[Jackie07]

I'm 5000 miles away from home, so I've not been taking care of my parents. But my siblings have been spending time at my parents' apartment. Thought I'd share what I know about taking care of my Mom.

My Mom is turning 88 in a couple of months. She has been treated for Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma is a 13 year survivor. A couple of years ago, she developed congested heart failure. My parents have a live-in housekeeper and my siblings take turns to be with them especially on the housekeeper's day-off (usually on Sundays)

When my Mother's cognitive ability declined due to UTI (or congested heart failure - I can't remember which one), my oldest two brothers were spending time there, but didn't do anything for several days. We still can't figure out the reason why they did not take action. It wasn't until my Oldest Brother-in-law went for a visit that an ambulance was called. Mother's life was saved in the hospital.

I think some men are more 'passive' when it comes to dealing with crisis. At least that's the case in my family. Mother loves to tell the 'old stories' when Father didn't do anything while Oldest Sister (then 19) was fighting pneumonia in the hospital 40+ years ago. The 'miracle' antibiotic cost a fortune and the hospital wouldn't administer the shot until money was paid. Father was dejected and followed 'order' like the good soldier he's always been. Mother went to the doctor's office, pounded the desk and 'ordered' them to give Oldest Sister the shot "this minute!" She'd take care of the payment later.

We are compiling writings to commemorate the 60th anniversary of our family's 'relocation' from mainland China to Taiwan. Oldest Sis has refused to contribute. Memory brings back too much pain ...