[Sherryg683]

Going through the chemo for me was just the beginning of the battle. You are right, it's the days, months and years that follow that are hard. I felt like a vietnam veteran, totally shell shocked and paralyzed with fear that is was going to come back. The nights were always the hardest, and when I looked at my young daughter who was 7 at the time of diagnosis, I would just hold back the tears. In the past 3 years, I have watched friends and my bother pass from cancer and it just made things even worse. I think I finally reached a point where I decided that I would not let this beast take away my living and joy of life any longer. It has only been in the last 6 months that I have decided that I will not allow myself to be drug down into that hole of hell that I have been in. I could live another 20 years and do I want to look back and say that they were all in fear...definately not. Do I still worry, of course. Am I still fearful...of course..but when it gets out of control, I tell myself to STOP...change my train of thoughts and say I WILL NOT GO THERE. I try to stay busy and do as many enjoyable things as possible to keep my mind busy on the positive. You are just beginning your battle . Please be easy on yourself and you will find your own path to take. If you feel like crying ..do so, it relieves the stress. It is hard for you with 2 young ones and no supportive spouse. But if you just allow yourself to go through whatever feelings you have to go through to heal yourself physically and emotionally, one day you will wake up and cancer will not be the first thing you think of. You will regain your life back, it will just take some time. I am glad to hear you have sisters that you can lean on and who will listen to you when you need someone to talk to. To me that was the thing that bothered me most, no one wanted to hear me talk about my fear of dying or hear me talk negatively. I was trying to sort through things and everyone just wanted to pretend it was all OK and going to be fine. Cancer is a life time sentence that does not end with chemo, but it doesn't have to take the life out of us while we are still living. Hang in there and like I said, give yourself some time...sherry