[jml]

What now?
I'm so dejected and scared right now.
This is my 10th recurrence, 8yrs Stage IV this May.
My PET scans show the Herceptin/Tykerb that I've been for the past 12 weeks didn't work.
I meet with my doc in the morning, but just spoke with her on the phone and things look "a little worse" - meaning bigger, more active.

This time last year we were managing supraclav nodes & sternal nodes with Herceptin+Gemzar. After a short 8 week reprieve, PET scans showed the sternal nodes were back and we switched to Tykerb+ Xeloda.
There was interval response/shrinking after 8 weeks, but then when we scanned 15 weeks later, major progression - 2 spots in the L lobe of liver, and multiple nodes in my belly, compressing kidneys, ureters & colon, causing me to have stents placed in my ureters to keep kidneys from choking.I had a resection of the R lobe in '05 & that side is still clean.

I'm tired, so tired of fighting so hard, without time to rest in between battles. It's getting harder. And I've never physically "felt" my disease...And have truly enjoyed a very active lifestyle throughout the majority of this bumpy journey.
But now I have constant discomfort from the stents and can feel the constant congestion around my bowels.
My life's already become more limited and I'm so afraid of what's to come down the road.
I'm even more frightened now than in the beginning when my medicine cabinet was full.

Maybe after my doc visit I'll feel more optimistic.
But our list of options is so much shorter now.
Avastin's not an option because of my kidneys.
What's left?
Where is that TDM1?