[Mary Jo]

Hi Louise,

Take a deep breath.....think about WHY you wanted to do this in the first place....know you've done all the research and are confident with your decision (if you truly are - which I believe you are) and then TRY to let it go as you wait for your "new you" day to arrive.

Of course, you know I can't tell you that your experience will all go fine, but I can tell you that mine did and I experienced EVERY EMOTION you are now going through. EVERY ONE! I almost canceled the surgery a few times - strictly out of fear. Also, I tried to convince myself that I really didn't care one way or the other if I had the surgery and that I was fine with being breastless.

That being said, I was fine with being breastless. I am not defined by my breasts nor am I defined by outward things. My inward self - my soul - my heart and my relationship with my God is what defines me AND I am a very content, happy person BUT............. deep down, I KNEW having breasts again was something I really wanted to do for many reasons. It had nothing to do with it being cosmetic....but had everything to do with me "putting myself back together" ~ physically and emotionally. My breasts were taken from me and although I always accepted it and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was what was best for me, I now had the opportunity as a SURVIVOR to get them back by the miracle of a procedure that makes them ALMOST as good as the original (better really - they don't sag ). It also was a way for me to move forward and to let go all that I had went through - I needed to do this for me. I needed to let go of the fears that often hold us captive while living with a cancer diagnosis and to do something positive and good for me just because I wanted it for me.

I prayed and asked God to please give me a successful, perfect surgery, with no complications and perfect results. I prayed...I believed and I moved forward (scared out of my mind much of the time) BUT would not let fear rule me and back out because of the dreaded "what if".....................

So, on June 17, 2008 I did it. I had delayed bilateral DIEP by Dr. John Hijjawi at Froedtert Hospital in Milwaukee. My surgery was 10 hours and went "perfectly" (Praise God) - no complications (Praise God) and perfect results (Praise God). I didn't find the surgery itself - recovery - that big of a deal, honestly. Yes, it was uncomfortable (didn't really have pain per se - more just discomfort) but not that bad. I stopped all narcotics within 2 days of the surgery and only took Tylenol after that and was walking 2 miles a day by 2 weeks.

So, dear sister.......it can be good.....you can do it...(if you truly want too).......you are strong.....and if you want this for yourself then go for it. Don't let fear make your decisions.

Trust me....I checked out EVERYTHING. You'll hear so many different things from many different people. Some people say your cancer will come back after surgery (no doctor told me this was true and believe me I asked and asked more than one) HOWEVER even that being said......I would not allow my fears to make my decisions. Cancer may have "got me" but it doesn't "have me!" I make my decisions and NOT cancer fears. God is my leader and He is in charge of my life. I needed to let it go - let God and move forward.

I am now 3 1/2 months post op - feel awesome - have beautiful breasts and do not and will not regret this decision no matter what comes my way.

So Louise, I hope you get your "sign" and I pray Peace touches you so you can move forward - one way or the other.

I hope this helps you somewhat..........

Love from your "sister"

Mary Jo