Puns Intended(Unknown Author) ”1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. 5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 6. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 8.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ 11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 12.. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’ 13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 14. A backward poet writes inverse. 15. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes. 16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 17.. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’ 18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. 19.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’ 20.. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 21. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. ”
Paula
“I didn’t sign up for this! I know that I sang, ‘Wherever He leads. I’ll go’, but can’t we at least check the weather report first? How could God lead me into a storm like this one?’ Just cling to the knowledge that you could be in no safer place than a storm of His making. You are safer and more secure in the tempest with Jesus than you could ever be in the calmest place without Him. That calm, you’ll come to realize, is an illusion, and the storm is for a good purpose and a short duration.”
--David Jerimiah
