|
Re: Need some advice
well i guess i do have to speak more seriously on the rage, ur right, ann. I feel a sadness about the truthful quote that despair and hope are two paths that run parallel to a conclusion independent of either of them.
It makes me sad this quote. The meaningless of a quiet life with breast cancer. I feel I need a feedback loop to warn women about breast cancer. To warn them that all their breast checks, mammos, good eating, etc. are doing almost nothing. nobody with the power to choose how the billions donated to breast cancer are allocated is responsible to us. They can make up all the so called Prevention posters they want. Full of meaningless tripe. It is just not right to my mind.
http://her2support.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=51572
I'm supposed to quietly get well, it feels to me, or to quietly die. (I say this because this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and the standard "how to prevent Breast Cancer" advice is still being trotted out despite the fact that it is not true...see the threads on this). I don't want to be quiet. I want to scream.
How do I get some of that communication power? Yes, I can write letters, bla bla...but i believe it starts within. I think it starts with saying YES to my feelings. Yes to rage. Yes to making those in power hear me. We are fifty percent of the population!!! Were we gay men we would have twice the self respect! Think of how angry the gay men got. And yes, Aids is now in a much better place than Breast Cancer.
I think it does have to do with the Right to Rage. I really do. There is no doubt that the permission we give ourselves starts a revolution.
__________________
fall 2008: mammo of rt breast worrisome so am asked to redo mammo and have ultrasound of rt breast.I delay it til january 2009 and the results are "no cancer in rt breast. phew."
found plum sized lump in right breast the day before my dad died: April 17th 2011. saw it in mirror, while i was wearing a top, examining my figure after losing 10 lbs on dr. bernstein diet.
diagnosed may 10 2011
mast/lymphectomy: june 7 2011, 5/20 cancerous nodes. stage 3a before radiation oncologist during our first mtg on july 15th says he found cancer on the lymph node of my breast bone. Now stage 3b.
her2+++, EN-, PN-. Rt brst tumors:3 at onset, 4.5 cm was the big one
chemos: 3fec's followed by 3 taxotere, total of 18 wks chemo. sept: halfway thru chemo the mastectomy scar decides to open and ooze pus. (not healed before chemo) eventually with canasten powder sent by friend in ny (illegal in canada) it heals.
radiations:although scheduled to begin 25 january 2012, I am so terrified by it (rads cause other cancers) I don't start til february, miss a bunch, reschedule them all and finally finish 35 rads mid april. reason for 7 extra atop the 28 scheduled is that when i first met my rads oncologist he said he saw a tumor on the lymph node of my breastbone. extra 7 are special kind of beam used for that lymphnode. rads onc tells me nobody ever took so long to do rads so he cannot speak for effectiveness. trials had been done only on consecutive days so......we'll see.....
10 mos of herceptin started 6 wks into chemo. canadian onc says 10 mos is just as effective as the full yr recommended by dr. slamon......so we'll see..completed july 2012.
Sept 18 2012: reconstruction and 3 drains. fails. i wear antibiotic pouch on my job for two months and have 60 consecutive days visiting a nursing centre where they apply burn victims' silver paper and clean the oozing infection daily. silicone leaks out daily. plastic surgeon in caribbean. emergency dept wont remove "his" work. He finally appears and orders me in into an emergency removal of implant. I make him promise no drains and I get my way. No infection as a result. Chest looks like a map of Brazil. Had a perfectly good left breast on Sept 17th but surgeon wanted to "save another woman an operation" ? so he had crashed two operations together on my left breast, foregoing the intermediary operation where you install an expander. the first surgeon a year earlier had flat out refused to waste five hours on his feet taking both boobs. flat out refusal. between the canadian health system saving money and both these asses, I got screwed. who knows when i can next get enough time off work (i work for myself and have no substitute when my husband is on contract) to get boobs again. arrrgh.
I have a blog where I document this trip and vent.
www.nora'scancerblog.blogspot.com . I stopped the blog before radiation. I think the steroids made me more angry and depressed and i just hated reading it anymore
|