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Re: Need some advice
I appreciate that. Thx so much for props on the writing.
re: rage...I only take it out on those who cause it. but i admit it ain't pretty for friends who took me to the hospital friday...but Mike is a guy TERRIFIED of anger. He is a pretty extreme case, though. He has gotten in trouble for his anger in the past so he goes crazy at my anger at the hospital jerks. I do separate the two phenomena though. He is excessively afraid of anger in others cos he is afraid of it in himself. He goes hard on me for my rages at hospital idiots. It won't stop til they stop. Why can't a hospital secretary simply phone someone and say "just come in! the doctor has extra help today!" instead she said "the doctor would like you to come in earlier and did not leave her name or extension. i had to spend hours phoning around trying to find out what she meant...do i get a new earlier appt? no name, no extension...hours of mine wasted when i just could have come in.
You tell me to drop it. no. I don't think so.
This girl cost all the cancer patients hours of their lives that morning in frustration. she said to me when i got there "oh i had fifty calls to return." I said "well forty of them were from me. You could have avoided ANY incoming follow up phone calls at all. You could have just said "the doctor says 'just come in'...no appt necessary." why didn't u?
No. I am a rage machine now. No way I am gonna slow it down. When these idiots stop being idiots perhaps. Or when I tire of letting them know the personal cost of their idiocy.
I only rage on whomever deserves it.
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fall 2008: mammo of rt breast worrisome so am asked to redo mammo and have ultrasound of rt breast.I delay it til january 2009 and the results are "no cancer in rt breast. phew."
found plum sized lump in right breast the day before my dad died: April 17th 2011. saw it in mirror, while i was wearing a top, examining my figure after losing 10 lbs on dr. bernstein diet.
diagnosed may 10 2011
mast/lymphectomy: june 7 2011, 5/20 cancerous nodes. stage 3a before radiation oncologist during our first mtg on july 15th says he found cancer on the lymph node of my breast bone. Now stage 3b.
her2+++, EN-, PN-. Rt brst tumors:3 at onset, 4.5 cm was the big one
chemos: 3fec's followed by 3 taxotere, total of 18 wks chemo. sept: halfway thru chemo the mastectomy scar decides to open and ooze pus. (not healed before chemo) eventually with canasten powder sent by friend in ny (illegal in canada) it heals.
radiations:although scheduled to begin 25 january 2012, I am so terrified by it (rads cause other cancers) I don't start til february, miss a bunch, reschedule them all and finally finish 35 rads mid april. reason for 7 extra atop the 28 scheduled is that when i first met my rads oncologist he said he saw a tumor on the lymph node of my breastbone. extra 7 are special kind of beam used for that lymphnode. rads onc tells me nobody ever took so long to do rads so he cannot speak for effectiveness. trials had been done only on consecutive days so......we'll see.....
10 mos of herceptin started 6 wks into chemo. canadian onc says 10 mos is just as effective as the full yr recommended by dr. slamon......so we'll see..completed july 2012.
Sept 18 2012: reconstruction and 3 drains. fails. i wear antibiotic pouch on my job for two months and have 60 consecutive days visiting a nursing centre where they apply burn victims' silver paper and clean the oozing infection daily. silicone leaks out daily. plastic surgeon in caribbean. emergency dept wont remove "his" work. He finally appears and orders me in into an emergency removal of implant. I make him promise no drains and I get my way. No infection as a result. Chest looks like a map of Brazil. Had a perfectly good left breast on Sept 17th but surgeon wanted to "save another woman an operation" ? so he had crashed two operations together on my left breast, foregoing the intermediary operation where you install an expander. the first surgeon a year earlier had flat out refused to waste five hours on his feet taking both boobs. flat out refusal. between the canadian health system saving money and both these asses, I got screwed. who knows when i can next get enough time off work (i work for myself and have no substitute when my husband is on contract) to get boobs again. arrrgh.
I have a blog where I document this trip and vent.
www.nora'scancerblog.blogspot.com . I stopped the blog before radiation. I think the steroids made me more angry and depressed and i just hated reading it anymore
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