[twosenuf99]

This is the only support group I have joined since my diagnosis.. I find myself needing some advice from the women who have come before me that has survived this horrible disease..

When I was initially diagnosed I had the attitude "it is what it is" but as the last few months have progressed with doctors appointments, tests, and treatments I have grown very very angry and depressed. When I was told my only option was a mastectomy it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. No offense to anyone but I have always hated the "fake" boobs and now that I am in this position I can not seem to change my mind. I know for survival for my children a mastectomy with reconstruction is the only choice I can make but it does not make this any easier to swallow..

I have always been a blah, pessimistic person. Now as I am less than 2 weeks from surgery I find myself crying more and more. II can not seem to look at this as yes I will lose my breasts but I will be alive. I even asked my surgeon what the chances of recurrence without surgery would be. (90%).Since I have 11 year old twins I can not take the chance but I am not sure I will ever survive this ordeal mentally. I have already begun pushing friends and family away because I feel as though I am turning into a freak after surgery.

I know there are many of you out here who have gone through the same things I am going through and maybe more and I know this is something I just have to suck up and deal with but I need to know how others have gotten past the anger and depression.. At this moment I am not sure I ever will..

Sorry this is so lengthy and really nothing but me blabbering.. My thoughts are with all of you everyday.

Hugs
Tracy