[KellyA]

Dear Joanne

I can identify very much with what you are saying. I KNOW I was (am sometimes still) "obsessed"- not by choice- it just seemed that even when I was trying to get away from it all, the smallest thing would remind me and bring it back. I researched for hours every day hoping to find out some shread of info that I could use to aid me in my fight. This went on for about a year or a little more. My day consisted of doctors appts., reasearching on the computer, venting and crying with those around me, and sitting- spending way to much time thinking about all of the awful things that could happen..... And yes, this was on Lexapro (hate to see me without it!).

Then one day I just got tired. Tired and bored. I don't think there is much else I could know that would help me now, frankly I am SICK, SICK, SICK, of breast cancer (as I am sure that everyone else around me is!!!!). I recently took a full time job (was a part-time worker and stay at home mom) and just the fact that I am busy and don't have time to think has helped enormously. I also walk every day that I can and feel so much better when I do. I only "peek" in here (no other sites or research) for a minute or so daily to check in and see how everyone is. Once a day, and then I don't get on the computer again. A tiny thing that I think has helped alot is that I started this thing where I pick a day (try to do it on a day without any doctor appts :-) ) and I make up my mind that no matter what the discussion leads to, I will not say the word cancer, speak of any of my related experiences, or talk about how crappy I feel. This can be very hard because I still hurt quite a bit sometimes, and I feel like everything somehow brings up the topic. But day by day the subject comes up less and you start replacing the cancer experiences with new evryday ones that don't relate.

I think it will get even better with time, and although I will never be "safe" from dealing with a reoccurence, I do think that a little time with it behind me will help enormously. You have to remember that what you have been through is HUGE. And it wasn't a one day horrible life experience. It took over your life for a year with treatments, tests, surgeries- very traumatic. Horrifying experience, but one that TONS of blessings came out of, at least for me. I just need to work on extracting those blessings and pitching the rest. :-)

Love, Kelly