|
Of course, Rhonda, none of us on this board have chosen or ever would have chosen breast cancer. My friend Katie, who died two weeks back, never chose to have this horrible disease. I am not trying to be negative, but I did find the article in Cure magazine to be thought provoking.
Personally speaking, from the day I was diagnosed I asked myself "Why has this disease happened to me?". Further I wondered "and why did I get the worst variety (Her2Neu) of the worst?" I think it's probably the number one question we all ask ourselves. There's even a group called "Why Me?".
Like so many other sufferers, I would try just about anything to get a survival advantage. I am currently taking Herceptin, A/I's, have had radiation of my body and my brain. I even sought the help of a faith healer. Much to my husband's chagrin I am eating broccoli and salads like a rabbit and do take fish oil. But I can't believe that this is my fault. Or your fault. Or Katie's fault. Faults, I think, are character defects and not diseases.
This is a wonderful site and I have gained much support and inspiration here. For me the struggle and the challenge of breast cancer is not just physical, although it certainly is that. Today I am struggling with pain and this is a brand new thing for me. The bigger struggle is psychological, feeling like I have any control at all in a situation where there is none. Trying to move past anger that this has happened to me at all. Trying to feel like cancer is not my fault, that it is not something I have mistakenly brought on myself by some unknown means. Struggling to feel valuable to my family, my friends and society, that I still have value even though my body may be under assault. That I am inherently valuable, not only for the services that I provide but just by being me. I imagine that these struggles are not isolated to me alone, but are common to everyone who comes to the board. They are the tie that binds.
Mary
|