[Andrea Barnett Budin]

MY CANCER IS NOT MY FAULT. Absolutely, I agree. I do not in any way blame myself or feel any guilt or shame. I have always done the best I could at the time. But we are all here to learn lessons, and to love one another and ourselves! Yes it is fabulous that after having bc I am kinder to myself. I see the value of laughter and loving. Very therapeutic and healing. And joyful. It has taught me to walk away from people who bring me down (toxic relationships), people who are not giving of themselves, lack generosity of Spirit and a loving nature. They are takers. I surround myself w/loving people who appreciate me for the True Me. They see my happy smiling face full of tranquility and marvel. I appreciate them for the wise and wonderful Spirits they are and I keep them close, if not literally by phone and email.

I was always optimistic, which is handy when facing an adversity like bc, but I never saw how truly blessed I am. I count all the tiny things, I see the sublime in the ordinary, literally! Now. I have learned much since being dx. I have read much, as all of us have, but I don't pour over the factors and percentages, I focus instead, on spirituality. For me, this is fulfilling and gratifying. It enhances my life immeasurably. It makes me feel happier, more alive and more in harmony than ever before. More than I imagined possible.

I pray for more energy. I watch my diet, eating the good, and rejecting the tempting but bad. I see an oncol/hematol/nutitional expert who has given me multiple supplements (to boost my imm sys, strengthen my heart, fight free radicals, anti-oxi, energize, etc.) Mainstream docs think it's a waste of time. I respect their opinion, but respectfully add supplements anyway, w/my 1 onc blessings. I do my best to take care of my temple (body, mind) and of course my Soul.

Surely I know too many who had positive attitudes but lost their battle. I grieve for their loss to this world, to me. I loved them dearly and tried my best to support them. We all have weak moments and some times we find we stray off the positive trail. I know I have. And how difficult it was to get my footing back. I have failed numerous times. None of us is perfect. Perfect is boring as I see it. I am human. I do the best I can at the time. No one could ask more of themselves. When I was in a valley, lost and groping I did not feel angry or disappointed at myself. I simply tried my best to pick myself up. It would take a comment from my daughter, Pami, who is surely an old Soul, to say to me -- You've lost touch with your spiritual Self. Simple as that. I'd rally. I'd go back to meditating and connecting deep inside myself with my Spirit. And miraculously, all of a sudden, the ME I love being was back!

So, I wish for all of you never to blame yourselves, but to keep searching for lessons and messages and healing in every capacity -- body, mind and Soul. I send you all loving energy at all times because in the end that is what Life is all about -- going within and being lifted up, reaching out and loving one another. Don't beat yourself up -- EVER. Be as kind to yourself as you would your own child or your best friend. That's what you deserve. And keep on doing your best. No one can ask more of you. I wish you wellness in your brave fight, strength to carry on and belief in yourself and your own EMPOWERMENT. That is your birthright. ANDI (BB)