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Andrea Barnett Budin · 09-18-2007, 01:12 PM

Brenda, It makes me happy to know you don't think I'm an utter fool, all glowy and positive all over the place. I am sincere if nothing else. And then I have my moments. Don't we all??? My younger daughter Pami tells me at such times, after sighing, fully hearing my despair and pausing -- You need to get back in touch w/your spirituality. It works its' magic every time. I see that I have temporarily become misaligned! I have forgotten that I AM A SOUL, with a mind and a body. I immediately re-identify myself and my perspective totally changes. I see the world through the eyes of my True Self. Works for me every time.

And then sometimes, I talk to a special friend, one who's been there/done that and I feel I am HOME and understood. I have 2 friends I can rely on to tell it like it is and support me no matter what with love, not I gotta go now, I'll talk to you soon. Be strong, like you always are. Once it came from a friend I'd have never guessed it would. I was on a rant and she happened to call. And she heard me. She explained that growing up she dealt w/a lot of cancer in her close family. And she became this wonderful source of compassion and strength. Canser didn't scare her, like it does so many *normal* pp. I could feel her arms around me, her strong shoulder there for me, and I poured out my heart and then I felt a whole lot better. Brenda, guess your counselor can do that for you. I had 5 yrs of *shrinkdom* and was w/the wrong man from the getgo. But he kept convincing me to stay w/him to get WELL. Said I wasn't in a position to make that call, to leave him. I fell for it every time. Now, older and wiser, I tell every one, if you're w/the wrong counselor move on. You have to feel that click, that chemistry. Glad you've got a good one.

Rambling again, as I am prone to do. Thoughts come flooding my brain and my fingers start dancing on the keyboard. Oh, and I just have to tell you one more thing... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Glad to hear you're not thinking BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...!!!

With love. Here's to staying NED.
Andi

09-18-2007, 01:12 PM	#37
Andrea Barnett Budin Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: LAND OF YES! w/home in Boca Raton, Florida Orig from L.I., N.Y. Ever hovering IN THE NOW... Posts: 1,904	You Made My Day! Brenda, It makes me happy to know you don't think I'm an utter fool, all glowy and positive all over the place. I am sincere if nothing else. And then I have my moments. Don't we all??? My younger daughter Pami tells me at such times, after sighing, fully hearing my despair and pausing -- You need to get back in touch w/your spirituality. It works its' magic every time. I see that I have temporarily become misaligned! I have forgotten that I AM A SOUL, with a mind and a body. I immediately re-identify myself and my perspective totally changes. I see the world through the eyes of my True Self. Works for me every time. And then sometimes, I talk to a special friend, one who's been there/done that and I feel I am HOME and understood. I have 2 friends I can rely on to tell it like it is and support me no matter what with love, not I gotta go now, I'll talk to you soon. Be strong, like you always are. Once it came from a friend I'd have never guessed it would. I was on a rant and she happened to call. And she heard me. She explained that growing up she dealt w/a lot of cancer in her close family. And she became this wonderful source of compassion and strength. Canser didn't scare her, like it does so many normal pp. I could feel her arms around me, her strong shoulder there for me, and I poured out my heart and then I felt a whole lot better. Brenda, guess your counselor can do that for you. I had 5 yrs of shrinkdom and was w/the wrong man from the getgo. But he kept convincing me to stay w/him to get WELL. Said I wasn't in a position to make that call, to leave him. I fell for it every time. Now, older and wiser, I tell every one, if you're w/the wrong counselor move on. You have to feel that click, that chemistry. Glad you've got a good one. Rambling again, as I am prone to do. Thoughts come flooding my brain and my fingers start dancing on the keyboard. Oh, and I just have to tell you one more thing... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Glad to hear you're not thinking BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...!!! With love. Here's to staying NED. Andi __________________ Andi BB '95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive... '98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!) + good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either... Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...