[Laurel]

Julie,

This is not the easiest post for me to write. You are not the only one who has lived through an abusive relationship. I know what it is like to be literally drowning in my own blood, because I had my nose broken so badly my throat was so full of blood I could not breathe. I know what it is like to have the ex not hold a job when you are working a full time and a part-time job, exhausted and still drowning beneath the bills. I know what is like to have them cheat on you with some young filly.

You did the right thing in leaving. Now only you can heal yourself so you can go on living. The truth is you will not feel better until you forgive him. Forgiveness is a choice and you simply choose to forgive, decompress, and move on. You let go. Do you know what you find when you let all that anger and disgust die? You heal and have peace. Sometimes I think bitterness eats at us like a cancer.

Give it a try. It might surprise you at how empowered you feel letting it go and stepping back. I find with difficult people you must "change the steps of the dance." It totally blows them away! Instead of reacting to things in the same old manner, you decide how you are going to change YOUR response to your ex. When you play differently, it places you in control and they are forced to dance a different step too. It is very empowering and privately you will marvel at how easy it is to "manage" the unmanageable!

Good luck with this new trial. It looks so wonderfully exciting for you! Praying 2010 is a fabulous year for you, Julie!