[Believe51]

These posts and your loving support is the strongest force pulling me through this right now. I am so depressed and cannot stop crying, the tears literally fall from my eyes with no effort.

But I refuse to give up and so does Ed. He has told me that it is time to stop pushing him and although the hardest feat I have ever had to accomplish, I have stopped. I am here to exhibit his options and help him to live the rest of his days with honor and grace.

It is important to him for me to keep coming here long after he leaves, as long as it does not depress me. I need you all to know that I could never leave you and would never pass judgement for anyone that had to. It would be my honor to continue to celebrate your victories and to wipe your knees when you fall. You have enriched our lives beyond words and all hold a different part of my heart. I truely have meant it when I say Ed and I are truely indebited to your friendships.

Monday will hold alot of our future and at this moment I am just trying to keep hopeful until then. A couple of special friends who are Angels now always told me to follow my heart and his body and you will know when it is time. Sadly, as much as I try to ignore these feelings, deep within I do know. That is not to say that we have given up; fighting for every last breath!

On a lighter note, Ed went fishing with a friend so close to the family that he is family. Mighty Oak is a big animal lover and gave up fishing years ago. Just something he wanted to do again while he can. I went to breakfast with this gentleman's Mom, she lived with my Mother-in-Law. We stopped at some yardsales and I bought a few pieces of old glass that I knew she would have picked up and gave a home to. Funny how Ed and I spent our life getting new things, new furniture, always trying to improve the way we modestly lived. Now I have a room full of her antique furniture, glass and nick nacks.

Thank you again for walking me through this. These replies remind me to keep breathing and keep the faith until we know more. His brain is loaded with more mets than you could ever imagine, too many to count, they gave up after counting to 50. We need a miracle one last time and I will never ask God for another miracle for Ed and I. I love you friends with all my heart....you will never know.>>Believe51