[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Adriana, and all you incredible Warriors/Survivors,

I've been on Herceptin since '98. Dx in July '95 (age 50) w/4th stage invasive lobular carcinoma + 2 nodes. Mastec, tram flap reconst, 4 Adria, 12 CMF. I figured I was done. Then the hoopla about the Her2 GENE! Thank you Dr. Slamon! And the clinical trials w/Herceptin. Again thank you Dennis and Dr. Pegram. Aug '98 multiple mets into my liver. Taxotere 9 mnths and couldn't take any more. Previous posts explain my journey in detail FYI. I started Herceptin 2 mnths after Taxotere, to be sure Taxotere was working. 8 wk CT scans showed little but some progress on some mets. By Apr 2 out of 3 readiol decided what they were looking at were the dead remains of tumors, cyst-like, filled w/fluid, necratic tissue. They declared me in cautious remission. I now declare myself a Survivor, w/ moments of fear. I am NED (no evidence of disease).

I have read THE DIVIDED MIND by Dr. John Sarno. It is a slow read but profound speaking of the mind/body connection. We all have a reservoir of rage at our core that we carry around unconsciously from childhood. The primitive part of the brain, the Id, never forgets ANYTHING. It remembers it AS IF IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY! So the heal, we must not only fix the symtoms but the root cause which dwells in our emotions. We must dig deep, excavate all the junk from childhood on, experience it and then kick it to Kingdom Come! We survived all that anger, resentment, blame, guilt, remorse, inability to forgive! We mustn't let it hound us anymore. As we consciously choose to recognize the connection between the anxiety of what was AND WHAT "COULD BE" (which is huge for us cancer veterans) we also must CONSCIOUSLY "CHOOSE" to divorce ourselves from that negativity.

WHAT YOU FOCUS ON ALL DAY WILL DETERMINE THE OUTCOME. We are magnetic fields of ENERGY. We attract, and call to us, LIKE ENERGY from the Universe. What we emit (positive or negative) is transmitted out on frequency waves and sensed and responded to by others, and by the Universe.

I have my moments every day. I work through them. I deep breath. Meditate. Consciously choose to connect with my Spiritual Essence, which I call my Soul. I believe we are each BODY, MIND AND SOUL. The Soul speaks to you through your Inner Voice. Listen for it. Do not mistake your fearful thoughts as anything more than human nature at work, freaking out at the possibilities. I decided long ago, back in '95, to see myself as a Survivor. Far into the future. In vivid detail. Celebrating at my grandchild's wedding. And I had no grandchildren in '95. (I now have 5!) I will be here to meet and greet them and be a memorable part of their lives. I will finish the book I have been working on for 5 yrs about my cancer experience and the Life Lessons and Secrets of the Universe I have found along the path.

Fear and faith cannot occupy the same space. Remember that. I remind myself regularly of that, and the fact that I am personally empowered to call my desired destiny to me.

We can focus on a pain and let our minds go wild. I've done that. Until someone or Something reminds me to get in touch with my Spiritual Essence. That is empowering. You can heal yourself. You can concentrate all your attn on where you fear your cancer is going to come back. You are a self-prophisizing entity. So be careful what you focus upon! What you truly WANT vs what you deeply FEAR.

I am here for anyone who needs a hand, and I know you are there for me if I'm in a shaky place. I thank God for it all. For you, and this site, for my Family and all my blessings. I try to live with a smile on my face, full of joy, love, serenity, kindness, compassion, generosity of Spirit, appreciation, awe at te beauty that surrounds us, daily humble gratitude to God, harmony (staying in sync with Life and the Universe) and all that IS! I try to stay strong, brave, determined, resolute and passionate about remaining NED/STABLE!! Like Olympic athletes who envision their victory and work each day to achieve it. That's what I wish for you. With all my heart. And Soul. Sending loving, healing ENERGY to you and all the awesome ladies that visit this site. God bless you!! ANDI