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Re: Do you ever feel like enough it enough
Hi Julie! I so hear what you are saying ... these thoughts go through my mind too. In the end ... my biggest thing is, I just do not want to be in pain! That is my biggest fear. We all die in the end.
At what point does a person say, I have had enough ... of chemo/treatments/NED followup checks ... ?! You are right ... if your tumor biology says it will metastasize, it eventually will and there's nothing out there right now to prevent it.
Maybe I'm not helping you find the answer ... but I wanted you to let you know you are NOT alone in feeling this way! I don't know the answer, either.
Look at it this way ... what is the worst that could happen if you skip an appointment? IF it had come back/spread, you would have more time NOT knowing, unless you suddenly find yourself in pain, which, according to my oncologist, is the big red warning flag for mets. And then you would have a warning sign ... and you would have to decide whether to go see the doc, if for nothing else than to get pain meds.
Can you live with that? In the end, you have to decide the extent of the uncertainty you are willing to live with.
Yes, I wrestle with this constantly, too. Because my tumors were both estrogen positive, I am on the Arimidex ... and for now, I am not willing to stop taking it because I want to be able to say, "If it comes back, I did everything."
That is working for me (as well as any decision works with this mess!) for now. One day at a time ... I tell myself as I have a huge hot flash that is so intense it is a panic attack!! So I tell myself, "That's not me, its the meds. " My way of psyching myself out to get through another day!
Which is what we all do. It is all a coping mechanism.
Juls, you have the right idea ... keep one's passport current at all times! 
I am so glad you posted, Julie! I think of you just about every day. (insert heart icon here. )
Carol Ann
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July 24, 2013: "Infected" Right Nipple and benign cyst removed, pathology report revealed Paget's, DCIS, and ILC 1.25 cm, ER+/Pro+/HER2 equivocal, Grade 2 under benign cyst, previous diagnostic mammo/ultrasound said I was perfectly healthy in both breasts.
Aug 18, 2013: MRI report says Left breast is perfectly healthy "consistent with previous studies".
Sept 2013: I insist on a bilateral mastectomy anyway. Too nervewracking to let left breast remain with higher risk after 3 cancers in right, nipple in right is already gone anyhow.
Sept 18, 2013: Bilateral mastectomy, 11 right nodes removed, ALL negative BUT -- ER+/PRO+/HER2+ tumor, 1.0 cm, Grade 2 found in a piece of "grossly unremarkable" breast tissue from prophylactic mastectomy of left breast, no nodes removed.
Oct 25, 2013: 13 left side nodes removed, ALL negative, Stage 1 across the board, NO RADS needed, YAAAAY! Port also installed.
Nov 25, 2013 Begin 6 rounds TCH.
March 10, 2014 Just finished 6th and LAST Chemo today, YAAAAAY!
March 24, 2014 Echocardiogram to make sure I'm still good for Herceptin every 3 weeks.
March 31, 2014 Echo results NORMAL, first Herceptin all by itself. Now if only my eyes would stop streaming from the Taxotere ... :)
April 21, 2014 Started Arimidex and therapy for "mild" lymphedema in left hand and arm
May 2014 Therapy completed, I have sleeves and gloves for both arms, a Flexi touch lymph pump to hook up to for an hour every day, and I've become an arm bandaging expert. :)
June 2014 Begin Fosamax to prevent osteoporosis; bone scan revealed osteopenia
Nov 17, 2014 FINAL Herceptin!
Dec 4, 2014 My right thigh muscle has been extra achy for days ... I discover a blister rash cluster on the side of my right thigh while taking a shower. Port appointment cancelled until Dec 17, my doc is working me in tomorrow afternoon to see me and the rash. My muscle at least feels less achy.
Dec 5, 2014 Yep, I have shingles. Boo! I start acyclovir and also have a prescription for a painkiller just in case for over the weekend.
Dec 17, 2014 Port is OUT!
January 2016 Shingles again and this time it started where my left breast (where the hidden HER2+++ tumor was!) used to be. My onc nurse got me a same day appointment to see my doc when I called and told her I had a rash on the site. The antiviral meds are working once again, though, so that is good news. :)
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