HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - Brenda's Manifesto ~ just for the heck of it.

Debbie L. · 07-04-2009, 06:04 PM

Thank you, Brenda.

If we could all come closer to following your manifesto, there would not be all this childish "he said, she said" kind of yapping going on and we could all just say what is true in our own hearts, knowing that no one else would take it personally. We could debate SUBJECTS, not people.

There's nothing wrong with disagreement - it is stimulating and I think that we all learn something when we try to express our point of view. In order to do that clearly and politely, we have to consider someone elses' (different) perspective. And in doing so, we learn, and they learn, at it can be a good thing.

Maybe if we were allowed to continue our debates a little longer, we'd move closer to the ideal of your manifesto. Those who get overemotional and/or "hurt" would drop off and the wise voices like yours, Brenda, would prevail. We might not change our minds, but we would learn to respect other perspectives, and we would learn how healing it can be to give and receive respect for where each of us stands. We can't learn without practice, right?

Or then again, maybe the miserable thread and personal attacks would go on FOREVER and we'd all leave the forum in disgust or sadness (laughing, sort of). But we won't know unless we try. I'd like to see us try. I'm pretty trusting that in this forum, wisdom and love would prevail.

I'm certainly not an expert but as you said is true for you, I move in the right direction every time I get to have a "discussion" and I get to practice.

I do think that the written word is a whole different medium than we sometimes realize, especially when the topic sparks emotion. It is so hard to infuse tone accurately into an email message. I may think that I'm ranting at a topic that riles me, and you may think I'm ranting at YOU, and from there it can spiral. I started to type spiral "downward", but then stopped. It could also spiral upward also, if we hold to your manifesto.

Thanks again, Brenda, for caring so much about this forum that you took the time to write that.

Love,
Debbie Laxague

07-04-2009, 06:04 PM	#7
Debbie L. Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 463	Beautiful! Thank you, Brenda. If we could all come closer to following your manifesto, there would not be all this childish "he said, she said" kind of yapping going on and we could all just say what is true in our own hearts, knowing that no one else would take it personally. We could debate SUBJECTS, not people. There's nothing wrong with disagreement - it is stimulating and I think that we all learn something when we try to express our point of view. In order to do that clearly and politely, we have to consider someone elses' (different) perspective. And in doing so, we learn, and they learn, at it can be a good thing. Maybe if we were allowed to continue our debates a little longer, we'd move closer to the ideal of your manifesto. Those who get overemotional and/or "hurt" would drop off and the wise voices like yours, Brenda, would prevail. We might not change our minds, but we would learn to respect other perspectives, and we would learn how healing it can be to give and receive respect for where each of us stands. We can't learn without practice, right? Or then again, maybe the miserable thread and personal attacks would go on FOREVER and we'd all leave the forum in disgust or sadness (laughing, sort of). But we won't know unless we try. I'd like to see us try. I'm pretty trusting that in this forum, wisdom and love would prevail. I'm certainly not an expert but as you said is true for you, I move in the right direction every time I get to have a "discussion" and I get to practice. I do think that the written word is a whole different medium than we sometimes realize, especially when the topic sparks emotion. It is so hard to infuse tone accurately into an email message. I may think that I'm ranting at a topic that riles me, and you may think I'm ranting at YOU, and from there it can spiral. I started to type spiral "downward", but then stopped. It could also spiral upward also, if we hold to your manifesto. Thanks again, Brenda, for caring so much about this forum that you took the time to write that. Love, Debbie Laxague __________________ 3/01 ~ Age 49. Occult primary announced by large (6cm) axillary node, found by my husband. 4/01 ~ Bilateral mastectomies (LMRM, R elective simple) - 1.2cm IDC was found at pathology. 5 of 11 axillary nodes positive, largest = 6cm. Stage IIIA ERPR 5%/1% (re-done later at Baylor, both negative at zero). HER2neu positive by IHC and FISH (8.89). Lymphovascular invasion, grade 3, 8/9 modified SBR. TX: Control of arm of NSABP's B-31 adjuvant Herceptin trial (no Herceptin, inducing a severe case of Herceptin-envy): A/C x 4 and Taxol x 4 q3weeks, then rads. Raging infection of entire chest after small revision of mastectomy scar after completing tx (significance unknown). Arimidex for two years, stopped after second pathology opinion. 2017: Mild and manageable lymphedema and some cognitive issues.