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Louise O'Brien · 09-29-2008, 03:07 PM

On Nov. 4, I'm scheduled to have the first of two breast reconstruction surgeries: the first is the reconstruction on the left side ; four months later reduction on the so-called good side.

I've always been confident and have complete confidence in the surgeon but now I'm getting scared. Really scared. It's Diep surgery - eight and a half hours long - and that's a long time to be under anaesthetic.

My husband is now getting worried and says he doesn't want to "lose" me. I'm actually preparing a financial file (since I do all the bookwork) just in case.

I have a project I'm involved with now that is luckily distracting me but that doesn't help at night when I can't sleep - or in the morning when I wake.

My husband wanted me to explain why I wanted to go through with it - why I couldn't just leave things be.

I guess my answer is pretty immediate - this isn't a cosmetic fix. That's not how I think of it.

I'm just so uncomfortable the way I am. I'm too large - and when you just have one, it's bizarre. Sometimes it's even hard to sleep. I'm sick of having to fill the other side with that rubber thingy. The thought of putting on a smaller sized bra sounds like heaven to me.

But is all the post-operative pain worth it?

The other thing that has me worried is C-Difficile. In our province hospitals now have to post the number of cases they have each month - and the hospital I'm going to had seven new cases in August. In truth, most hospitals deal with it but it's not something I want to catch and I feel I could be vulnerable when I'm in the hospital for a length of time. By the way, that's not considered a high number - it's about par for the course and it's something that exists in most hospitals in North America. I'm going to one of the best hospitals in our province - it's a university-based, teaching hospital.

But still. The doubts are coming in and quite frankly I wish I could get some kind of *sign* that would tell me to cut and run.

The funny thing is - I'd be disappointed if I didn't follow through.

Now aren't I a conflicted mess? Any help out there?

09-29-2008, 03:07 PM	#1
Louise O'Brien Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 75	Scared to death On Nov. 4, I'm scheduled to have the first of two breast reconstruction surgeries: the first is the reconstruction on the left side ; four months later reduction on the so-called good side. I've always been confident and have complete confidence in the surgeon but now I'm getting scared. Really scared. It's Diep surgery - eight and a half hours long - and that's a long time to be under anaesthetic. My husband is now getting worried and says he doesn't want to "lose" me. I'm actually preparing a financial file (since I do all the bookwork) just in case. I have a project I'm involved with now that is luckily distracting me but that doesn't help at night when I can't sleep - or in the morning when I wake. My husband wanted me to explain why I wanted to go through with it - why I couldn't just leave things be. I guess my answer is pretty immediate - this isn't a cosmetic fix. That's not how I think of it. I'm just so uncomfortable the way I am. I'm too large - and when you just have one, it's bizarre. Sometimes it's even hard to sleep. I'm sick of having to fill the other side with that rubber thingy. The thought of putting on a smaller sized bra sounds like heaven to me. But is all the post-operative pain worth it? The other thing that has me worried is C-Difficile. In our province hospitals now have to post the number of cases they have each month - and the hospital I'm going to had seven new cases in August. In truth, most hospitals deal with it but it's not something I want to catch and I feel I could be vulnerable when I'm in the hospital for a length of time. By the way, that's not considered a high number - it's about par for the course and it's something that exists in most hospitals in North America. I'm going to one of the best hospitals in our province - it's a university-based, teaching hospital. But still. The doubts are coming in and quite frankly I wish I could get some kind of sign that would tell me to cut and run. The funny thing is - I'd be disappointed if I didn't follow through. Now aren't I a conflicted mess? Any help out there?