[Ruth]

Hi Rhonda ~ I wish that I could stop your fear right now but only can offer to you that it is completely normal and does subside somewhat with time. I was on a 3 month schedule for a year and now am at the 6 month schedule. My last Herceptin treatment was in 2004 yet I still get an upset stomach and sweats when I go to "the office". I am sure it relates to the memories of the place; many, many great ones, but then, also the place where bad news is given. I found that when I get a massage and/or facial before my appointment it has helped me relax and I can be more myself. After I see my Onc., I walk around and talk to all my favorite nurses and technicians. Seeing all of them so happy to see me makes my day. They live a continuous existence of losing friends that they have come to care for and to see someone who is doing well makes them happy. I usually get pulled into a room to give advice or a confidence booster to someone who is new to this disease and it makes my two visits a year not so dreadful.

We will always carry this moment in time with us no matter where we go in our lives, it just gets brought into bright focus when we revisit the places where we were given external power to fight for survival. I don't post too often but have often read what you have to say...you will be OK. Fear lurks intensly at first but it certainly subsides and if I can say "matures?" with time. I will always have a shadow of fear in my life but my strength having lived with this for 3 1/2 years has given me an edge over who I was before. Fear doesn't rule anymore....life does!

Have faith and hope that it will get better. What you are feeling is normal & will get better.

Peace & love ~ Ruth