[IrvineFriend]

This is an older message but one I think we all deal with when we engage here. I was clearing out older messages from my personal email inbox and I had a very special and true connection with this woman who is no longer with us. I logged in after an absence to find out my friend is gone. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I've been to funerals of those on this site, but I never got to say goodbye to someone I spoke with daily, who literally was with me via text every step of the way with my first infusion minute by minute for 8-hours (they were way too slow). We planned on a vacation together. When those we love on here get sick, they are dealing with their disease and we don't necessary get the details until they are gone and a loving family member tells us the devastating news.

We can say something nice to a family member but we all have varying levels of connections to those on this site. Some become like family, some are those we know from the words spoken in their posts. I have not had an experience such as this where someone I thought to be a friend for life is gone, and I knew things were not perfect, but never expected their life to end. I've also met people and reached out, but they were dealing with their disease and sadly heard of their death.

I guess this is just part of the deal of being part of a community of people who share our disease via the internet, but this has been very difficult for me. I think I played scrabble once since Denise's passing which was a daily occurrence, but I guess fundamentally, I've not had to grieve the loss of someone that I truly loved without some kind of closure. I would have created a separate email, but I couldn't figure it out as I'm tired.

I'm grateful to the family member that informed us that we lost another friend and support, but I would at least like to have a way to remember them like any good friend -- like flowers on their birthday or whatever. But because this is an internet site, we are left without closure.

Any words of how others have dealt with this, in a separate message would be appreciated. I don't feel bad about leaving this in this post as she was such a good friend and I want her family to know I miss her greatly and that she truly supported freely of those who were behind her in their journey.
-Julie