[graham]

Thanks lucy I will look in to them . Like what you said you can't talk to someone that has no understanding with what you are going through its like asking someone that lives in the desert about surfing they can give an opinion but that is all.
The other drama is how do you tell your kids that they mother might not be here in a few yrs ,I was told cross that bridge when you come to it well here we are here Kids your mum has one of the worst breast cancers going I just don't know what the outcome will be . I am lucky my youngest is 22 but they are still our babies and Its there mum
My biggest problem i have is I am supposed to be the head of the family ,the fixer some would say,If we have a problem i fix it or come up with a solution to fix it, With cancer there is no solution no fixing it I am helpless so i believe i have failed as a head of the family . I know that this is something i have no control over and can't fix but it dosnt stop me feeling worthless and when my wife looks at me with that help me babe look it just rips my heart out i can not do anything . Like i said she will never see me being weak i will always be strong around her and the kids I will never faultier in that job,but like i say and have said I FUCKING HATE CANCER sorry about the swearing