[Paula O]

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U. C. L. A.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar… got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
A calendar’s days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.
Not only did the pearl divers come up empty, but they barely escaped an earthquake. These were pearl-less times.
Three lefts equal a right, yet no number of wrongs equals a right.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the
Grass.’
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change
yet.’
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
When cannibals ate a clown they said it tasted funny.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. ”

Dyslexics have more nuf.
Clones are people, two.
Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
Microbiology Lab Staph Only !
Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Eschew obfuscation.
186,000 miles per second. Not just a good idea, it’s the law!
Air pollution is a mist-demeanor.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Editing is a rewording activity.
My reality check just bounced.
Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.
What if there were no hypothetical questions.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not sure.
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.