[Becky]

The actions of your spouse or any close family member can go either way. The bottom line is that it is all related to fear - overwhelming fear even if they don't know it.

For some, they are over attentive, over helpful, extremely supportive.

For some, they are not. Very alouf. Breaking the bond. They don't want to be hurt if things don't go right.

When I was diagnosed, my middle daughter was 15 (almost 16) and very into the culinary world - going afternoons in high school to polytech and actually later, getting an Associates of Science in Baking and Pastry arts.

She cooked our dinners often. Therefore, I thought I would have this covered as my husband and I worked and I still worked most days (during chemo/rads time).

Unfortunately, everything stopped. No cooking when she always did it. Nothing. My youngest, who did nothing as a youngest usually does, started cleaning! Dusting, vaccuming, cleaning the bathrooms.

My point is everyone is different. I think my cooking daughter subconciously thought "if mom can cook, she can't be that bad off (and everything will be okay)".

She later told me that she was looking at pictures and there were a few of me during chemo and how terrible I looked (white, no color) but she said that at the time, she thought I looked fine(which is probably why she behaved the way she did - "its okay, this isn't really happening"). All fear - same for you too.

I think therapy on how to handle the situation is a really good idea.