[chrisy]

Tammi,
I've been thinking about you a lot, and am sorry to hear you had to be hospitalized again. Everyone who has posted is right. I could just say ditto but you know that's not my style!

TDM1 is not vanilla herceptin. For me I had flu like symptoms and it whacked my liver functions. And I was starting from everything basically being "normal" and minimal tumor burden. You've been through a lot over the past month and the fatigue is real - but give the TDM1 a chance. And be gentle with yourself while you continue to try and do "all the right things"

We know, the spiritual battle is sometimes even harder. Jackie's right, it's easy to push the fear aside with distractions, but it is still there. A few years ago I thought I'd give up fear for lent. I'm not catholic so i didnt get you are supposed to be sacrificing something,but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Of course it backfired and all I could think about was the fear! Who wouldn't be fearful.

I'm visiting my sister and always like going to her church. On Sunday, the message was about Peters denials of Jesus, and how profound a failure that was for him...and how we all fail in our faith, or our courage, or a million other ways. That does not make us lousy Christians, it's the whole reason we need grace. Then I had a "God moment" when lyrics in the closing hymn included "help me with my lack of faith" which was EXACTLY what I had been crying out to God the night before.

Most people do not come close to the kind of fight we've been engaged in for so long. So again, be gentle with yourself. Keep trying to nourish and rest your body as best you can.

And lean hard.

Much love,
Chris