[v-ness]

hi -

on a cross-country plane trip recently i read the book HER2. chalk it up to chemo brain and too many hours on a plane, but i didn't ever quite grasp what PERCENTAGE of women with HER2+ breast cancer respond to herceptin. when i started Herceptin i guess i assumed the response rate would be, i don't know, something like 80% since it is hailed as a miracle drug. i imagine that i picked that nice number out in my mind because that's what i wanted to think. my oncologist must think i am an ingrate because i told her today i "wasn't that impressed" with numbers i read in HER2. she was surprised and drew me a graph of how drugs usually affect cancer and then how dramatically Herceptin affected by comparison. she told me about ASCO and how when the results were shown there was a collective intake of breath by 18,000 people.

but i am totally ignorant! i only got introduced to breast cancer in august! before then i didn't even know there were different kinds of breast cancer, nevermind HER2. so to me a "Miracle Drug" would be one that saved like - my magic number - 80% of lives. she told me today that it works 50% of the time. again, i hate to sound like an ingrate - i mean of course 50% is better than what preceded it! i'm sure it's staggering to an oncologist. but to a woman who had it in her chest, i'd like better than 50/50 odds it will work. again, i want to stress that i am extremely grateful for it because when i first looked up HER2+ before i got to see an oncologist i had a panic attack complete with hyperventilating. then i heard about Herceptin and was hugely relieved thinking, without question, this will work!

so today i sat in the infusion lounge thinking, for the first time (i know, i am an idiot), wow there's a 50% chance this is not working for me and that was a scary thought. i have to tell myself "hey dumbass, remember when you were hyperventilating about 'poor prognosis'? this is a hell of a lot better!" i know, some of you are probably thinking 'how could you be so naive?' but i heard Miracle Drug and thought higher than 50/50. i am laughing at myself even now. when i got diagnosed i immediately thought Cancer = Death because my bob died 10 wks after diagnoses. i have SUCH a better prognosis being stage 1 breast cancer and with Herceptin, i have no right to feel scared over a 50% number.

if that number is even correct... is it?

valerie