[linn65]

Denise,

If you can not complain then who can?? This is such a process, and if this is not the place you can complain and whine then that is messed up! I watched a full day of TedX video's on Sunday and took notes to remind myself to have hope, be an inspiration, self-critizing, and the last one I watched was Self Compassion!!

It said basically....How would you treat your friends? How would you treat your family? Do you treat others how you would want to be treated? A lightbulb went off in my head, and I thought it is okay to love myself (self compassion). I treat myself like my own worst enemy in my own head, and I didn't understand it.

Through the world of cancer I worked at more then others ever realize from the people around me and how sick I wasn't, and I beat myself up. Loving yourself in my own twisted head meant being selfish or self indulgent. I am alone in a 3 bedroom house with a basement if I didn't chear people on or show a positive attitude maybe the only people I have wouldn't love me anymore. Another fear of having cancer is everyone will be tired of it all, so I have to be the best, loving, caring person and do NO MATTER WHAT.

NOW after all this I have learned that only "I" will get through this and NOT loving myself gets me absolutely nowhere. It is a new thing I just started to work on after Sunday. It is saying NO, and I have done it twice this week because saying YES is killing me I feel like and if it isn't cancer then it will be "my" own worst enemy.....

Whew, after all that I just said....AGAIN if I didn't have this board to be my total honest self in a po-dunk down and be afraid, understand that you understand, ask questions about what I should do, complain, whine and whatever else anyone wants to call it I don't know what I would do.

Denise you are JUST FINE and we LOVE you!!! And we can cheer when we want too and complain when we want to because this is a safe place for us all!!! And if some don't like it then too bad don't read what you have to say and that is ON THEM!!

I hope this all makes sense because I am supposed to be working, but my brain is now exhausted. I am hear in body but I spent, and I UNDERSTAND what you are feeling, and in a weird way I hope it makes you feel better in your mind, and I am not being pollyanna positive and you are NOT ALONE!

I notice you make sure you tell everyone HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! And I think it is so nice of you to do that....You are kind hearted, loving, and a gentle spirit. I feel like I am starting to know everyone slowly but surely by posts.

Hang in there.....