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Chrisy, I know. There is nothing like the real thing. Those knock-offs just make you miserable. A fake Twinkie or Hostess cupcake for dessert just flat out ruins a good dinner. Why, just last week I took a very nice young woman out to dinner at a fine local restaurant and the steaks were awesome and after dinner, the waiter asked if we cared for any dessert. You guys know me, I'm rather timid and fearful, but this time I just went for broke. I really wanted to impress this girl, so I looked her in the eye and said to the waiter, "mister, we'll have the Twinkie for Two." My date was obviously impressed, as any woman would be. When the waiter returned with the Twinkie for Two, we each picked up our forks and romantically scooped out the end piece, our eyes locked together as we tasted the first bite. I immediately knew something was wrong. My dates eyes got very big and then turned from green to black in an instant. "What the h*** is this B******t you're trying to pull, you tightwad S*B! That's a fake Twinkie!" She got up and stormed out, sticking me with her half of the bill. I keep waiting, but she still hasn't called me. (Secret message to Secret Squirrel- didn't I tell you to always, always carry your spy-cam with you?!?!?! You never know when you will need it)
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