[NewSurvivor]

I've made it another week. Third treatment is on Halloween. This week the pain in my feet, hands and top of my head were worse than before. My brain has quit working but I think it is due to how tired and emotional I am and not the drugs.
I saw my onc last week and he mentioned that he would not have put me on neulasta due to my age (47?) and the fact I was already in menopause but decided to because my WBC was low to begin with. 3.2. The neulasta kicks it up but by next treatment counts are back down again. What does that mean? I will have to do more research.
I wanted to share an email my mom sent me during one of my crying days...

A rose for my very brave daughter - it is okay if you want to cry. "Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."

Love you forever - Mama

Life of flowers

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they fade and die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of every day.
I will look to him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.

The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.