[rhondalea]

When I told my husband I had breast cancer, the look on his face was indescribable, but I knew what it meant. I looked him in the eye and told him, "I said 'cancer," dear, not 'casket.' Don't worry, I'll still be here to change your diapers when you're old and feeble."

He is beginning to accept now that I might just live through this experience, even though he previously expected me to drop dead at any moment. In between, though, you'd have thought he was an Egyptian on a sinking houseboat--he just couldn't deal with my cancer, and reminders of it made him extremely tense and touchy. This is not to say he wasn't helpful--he did whatever I needed him to do without complaint--but just that he didn't want to think about why he was helping me.

I tell you this because it seems to me that your husband is going through something similar. Men are fixers--it's one of their biggest conflicts with women, because they don't want to talk about problems, they just want to solve them and move on. Unfortunately, your husband cannot fix this. He's helpless in the face of a fickle universe that has inflicted a dire curse upon his family. Still, he needs to believe you'll be okay, and any deviation from "normal" probably sends him spiraling down the cascade of consequences that will occur if you're not okay.

Talking it out isn't likely to give him any relief (see above). For his peace of mind, backing away from the subject when it comes up (most usually in the form of a snarky remark) is probably the best course. That's not going to be very emotionally satisfying for you, but it will help if you can look at it as a loving gift to one whose entire world has reversed its poles.

Just don't think you have to drag your dead butt into work on your one good day to please him. You need your rest and as many pleasant moments as you can cram into the days when you're feeling well. Even the best jobs are stressful, and avoiding stress is an important part of what you need to heal quickly. (And in a non-tense moment, you might want to point this out to him, albeit, gently.)

Hang in there. It really does get better.