[Lien]

Dear PBK,

First, let me say how sorry I am that this is happening.

For what it's worth: when my Mom was terminally ill with esophagal cancer, she knew she was dying. Nobody had to tell her. She just knew. And when everybody around her tried to encourage her to keep fighting, to keep living, she felt so very alone. She needed to talk about her feelings, her fears, and she needed to let go of life. She specifically asked me to let her go. That was difficult for me, as I had just found out I was pregnant with our second son. I wanted the news of a new grandchild to give her a boost, but it didn't. I wanted to show her pictures of the ultrasound, but she didn't want to see them. She was ready to go and didn't want us to try to hold her back.

Now I know most people are not like that, but there is only one way to find out: Communicate. Talk to her about how she feels, what she wants, what she needs. Whether she wants to continue fighting or to say things she doesn't want to leave unsaid. Dying is a thing we have to do alone, but the path we walk towards death can take many shapes. We all have different needs. If we don't talk about them, or at least give the person who is dying a chance to express their wishes, I think we are keeping something important from them.

Just my humble opinion. I am sure you know her well enough to make a wise choice. But sometimes our own fear and grief is keeping us from seeing what the other person wants and needs.

If she refuses liquids, you could try to ask her why she refuses. If it is because she has had enough, that's a clear answer. If it is because of nausea, you can ask her if she wants you to find a way to reduce her discomfort, even if that means a nasal tube. Life support could prolong her life a bit, but not much. I think the most important thing would be to keep her comfortable.

But again, these are my thoughts, my views. They don't necessarily apply to you.

I wish you strength and love and for Hema that she be as comfortable as possible.

Love

Jacqueline