[Colleens_Husband]

Dear Friends:

I don't think there is a one size fits all solution to the what ifs. The what ifs need to be taken care of before you are devastated by loss, not after. I think you need to deal with it when the patient can take it. If the patient is sick with chemo, then that is the worse time. You need to pick a time when the patient is in good shape mentally and physically. And maybe all the what ifs aren't going to happen in one conversation. Maybe the patient can only handle talk of updating the will and nothing more. Its up to you to get as much accomplished and then be quite before the patient is overrun emotionally.

Finally, as a caregiver, your number one mission is to do no harm. If talking about the what ifs is going to cause the patient to lose hope, then it is better to say nothing.

Luckily, Colleen was the one to bring up the what ifs and we got our will updated and in order. We have some more things to work out, but that cn wait.

Anyways, great thread, Tonya. It is a subject that needs to be brought up and discussed.

Lee