[Joe]

Dear Cindee,

I am right here by your side. I will not give up on you, but you must promise to do the same! Your 7 yr old does indeed need you. Focus not on the fear, which is a daunting challenge I know, but rather on your wellness. WHAT YOU THINK ALL DAY PREDICTS YOUR FUTURE. So stay far from all forms of negativity (experiencing the necessary what ifs and horror scenarios) and moving as quickly as possible to serenity and the solid KNOWING that you were meant to remain here on Earth, happy, giving, caring, loving and grateful. Your child is a huge part of your mission here. Focus on the joy you derive from that relationship, not on the fearsome possibilities. DO NOT GIVE POWER AWAY TO SUCH NEGATIVE THINKING. You can control your thoughts. They are full of energy. Try to peacefully go to your center, in silence, breathing deeply, and connect with your Inner Self. That is your Soul, your Spirit. It is full of eons of wisdom, it is sacred energy, it puts you in touch with the power of the Universe, which is inifinite, beyond our comprehension. Be awes by the beauty that surrounds us all. And by your PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT, granted you as you were born into this world. Most of us do not know we are so strong and courageous. But how perceptive we become, how keen our hearing and understanding -- once we have been forced to find our Soul! Please stay in touch with me.

Has it been suggested that you go for every 3 or 4 month CT scans (of the chest/abdomen and pelvis -- with and without contrast)? This is enormously reassuring to me, a firm confirmation that I am STABLE. It's like renewing my contract with Life each time. I go to a oncological nutritionist, which in and of itself is a rarity and a find, in Manhattan. I take many immune boosting vitamins that keep my heart and bones strong as well, and fight free radicals.

You have the power to heal yourself (with the help of modern medicine and the right docs). I have 5 oncs. Each is brilliant and each is highly regarded by the professionals as well as me. They each treat me with respect, dignity and positivity. And they each have something different to add to the mix, to help me proceed.

WHAT DOES "CHF" MEAN?

You are not lost. You are having doubts and that is natural. But you can concentrate to aligning yourself w/your Spirit which is the True You and the source of great strength and courage, if you allow it to be.

I also do take 2 meds that help relax my mind and lift my spirits. I am an extremely positive person, despite 4th stage BC (in '95) and a metastasis in '98 to the liver. I am a warrior. And you too can determine to be one as well.

With loving and healing energy being sent your way,
ANDI