[mjm]

Hi Freaked Out,

Good choice of user name but hopefully in time it won't feel so accurate.

My mum has just had her 5th of 6 TCH chemo sessions. The first was probably the hardest because it was so full of surprises - we expected nausea to be the worst side effect, but instead she got really bad heartburn and put on 3 and a half kilos overnight swelling up from water retention. These symptoms still come up in each cycle, but she is getting better at knowing how to cope with the side effects - what meds work for her, what foods and liquids help or make her feel worse etc.

You can help a lot (sounds like you already are!!!) by helping her figure out & buy whatever might make her feel a bit less horrid on the bad days.

If she is up for it, walking every day helps - even if it is sometimes a short slow walk with a few sits along the way.

As for the emotional side of things, listening is probably best. Different people cope with the fear and stress of cancer in different ways - it may be helpful for you both to be able to open up and talk/cry about your fears, or maybe she needs you to provide comfort and reassurance. Or just listen and hold her.

The OLD stats on HER2+ are horrible, but since Herceptin and the other newer treatments HER2+ isn't such a bad cancer to have if you have to have one. And there is an amazing amount of research being done to make even more effective treatments.

I think it's natural to be scared to death at the beginning, but it does seem to get easier over time.

By the way, people are more likely to visit these sites while cancer is prominent in their minds - during treatment, or later if there's a recurrence. A reasonably high percentage of people won't have a recurrence, and after their treatment may be more absorbed in other parts of life again and visit less and less often (as much as we love to see their positive stories). So you'll see less of these on the boards even though they're out there. Hopefully your wife won't have any more episodes of cancer, but it's also reassuring to see the details from women who are still going strong after various recurrences.

Wishing the two of you all the best on this crazy roller coaster -M