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Dylanemmalexbenj · 02-21-2013, 12:06 AM

Hi Kelleanea.

You guys are going to be OK. We're coming from different angles, but I can tell there's alot going for you guys.

-First of all, 2 years free is AWESOME!!!

My wife and I are just starting out on this journey really - we've been together for about 15 years, but the cancer has only been since the first "Hmm, what's that lump?" in November 2012. Double mastectomy, reconstruction on the right, tissue expander on the left. Her first dose of chemo (taxotere, carboplatin, herceptin, then neulasta) is tomorrow. We're both doctors, so we know that side of the conversation - the reality of medical literature, data, studies - all of which are good, but only help so much when your own fears and anxieties feel more real then the things you know. I lost my dad in December to cancer after 5 years of hell, so it was really on the brain when we found out.

We have 4 young kids, and they help stabilize our home through collective insanity and love. We've got family close, and others if not close, near an airport. But we don't have what you guys have.

Just each other.

Don't try to go back to the way things were before. Move on to the way you and he want things to be now. Travel. Explore the world. Take dance lessions together. Go to concerts every weekend. Whatever - do it together, and concentrate on the future you have together. Use the solid rock of a foundation you have already achieved through this experience, and build on it. When you and he are concentrating on the good things of your life now, it will help let go of the fear about what may lie around the next corner.

I may be going out on a limb, but I'll say this. It may be because for the past 7 years we've had kids all over the place day and night, but here's my advice. Have good sex! Often! Your body is the way you see it and feel it, not the surgeries. It may not be exactly the same as you remember, but inside you're still you, he's still him, and you guys have still got some honeymooning to do! It's about that love and attraction that got you two hooked up in the first place. Remember how to be close to each other, and then just take it from there.

Don't think about giving years back, look at the time you've got now. Counseling can definitely help, and there is a time and place for medicine.

How are you? post back. there has been alot of good advice posted up here, and you've got LOTS of sisters and brothers out there that care.

02-21-2013, 12:06 AM	#12
Dylanemmalexbenj Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Virginia Posts: 2	Re: What do we do now? Hi Kelleanea. You guys are going to be OK. We're coming from different angles, but I can tell there's alot going for you guys. -First of all, 2 years free is AWESOME!!! My wife and I are just starting out on this journey really - we've been together for about 15 years, but the cancer has only been since the first "Hmm, what's that lump?" in November 2012. Double mastectomy, reconstruction on the right, tissue expander on the left. Her first dose of chemo (taxotere, carboplatin, herceptin, then neulasta) is tomorrow. We're both doctors, so we know that side of the conversation - the reality of medical literature, data, studies - all of which are good, but only help so much when your own fears and anxieties feel more real then the things you know. I lost my dad in December to cancer after 5 years of hell, so it was really on the brain when we found out. We have 4 young kids, and they help stabilize our home through collective insanity and love. We've got family close, and others if not close, near an airport. But we don't have what you guys have. Just each other. Don't try to go back to the way things were before. Move on to the way you and he want things to be now. Travel. Explore the world. Take dance lessions together. Go to concerts every weekend. Whatever - do it together, and concentrate on the future you have together. Use the solid rock of a foundation you have already achieved through this experience, and build on it. When you and he are concentrating on the good things of your life now, it will help let go of the fear about what may lie around the next corner. I may be going out on a limb, but I'll say this. It may be because for the past 7 years we've had kids all over the place day and night, but here's my advice. Have good sex! Often! Your body is the way you see it and feel it, not the surgeries. It may not be exactly the same as you remember, but inside you're still you, he's still him, and you guys have still got some honeymooning to do! It's about that love and attraction that got you two hooked up in the first place. Remember how to be close to each other, and then just take it from there. Don't think about giving years back, look at the time you've got now. Counseling can definitely help, and there is a time and place for medicine. How are you? post back. there has been alot of good advice posted up here, and you've got LOTS of sisters and brothers out there that care.