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MCS · 08-21-2007, 04:46 PM

I am so glad we are talking about this. I heard a bit of myself in all of your responses.

Yes. I cannot plan ahead. I have felt the same way about vacations for next year, I'll talk aobut something a month away but that's all. I resisted getting my port out. If I buy a pair of shoes just because; I end up returning out of guilt, who will have to clean up after me. So sometimes it's very depressing. I also lost my job after dx and treatment due to a cleaning up of the department (after working 9 years and long long hours on the carrot of promotions) and now at 51 looking for another job ( good luck right?). Even my mother at 77 can't understand, I really can't tell her that she's been lucky not to get this dreadful illness. I have trouble making dentist appointments- only 6 motnhs ahead. I went to a retina specialist today and told me that my macula spots are soooooo small, they are no concern for another 10 years or so- I suddenly broke in laughter after I left, at the corner light- yeah sure, who cares.

I have discussed this with others in another site and they all have the same issues, bc or or other cancer. You always have the dx, the treatment, etc etc as a ball and chain. It's fear that just as you think this has been managed ( not conquered!) it comes back and laughs at you again. And it was FDR I believe about fear itself. He's right. I'm glad Tricia as a psychologyst commented on this, very comforting

Yes, I think that I am so grateful for another day of health, but I get nostalgic for the naiveness of planning and thinking about the future. I have lost my oomph. If you have young adult children, they cannot understand, and at the same time you try to encourgare them to look ahead on their own lives.

I do try to make today the best but I really sigh when I cannot think of too far ahead. And I try to change but just doesn't work. It's not negative thinking, it's just the way it is, it is the normal.

thank you all for sharing

MCS ( maria)

08-21-2007, 04:46 PM	#30
MCS Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 430	I am so glad we are talking about this. I heard a bit of myself in all of your responses. Yes. I cannot plan ahead. I have felt the same way about vacations for next year, I'll talk aobut something a month away but that's all. I resisted getting my port out. If I buy a pair of shoes just because; I end up returning out of guilt, who will have to clean up after me. So sometimes it's very depressing. I also lost my job after dx and treatment due to a cleaning up of the department (after working 9 years and long long hours on the carrot of promotions) and now at 51 looking for another job ( good luck right?). Even my mother at 77 can't understand, I really can't tell her that she's been lucky not to get this dreadful illness. I have trouble making dentist appointments- only 6 motnhs ahead. I went to a retina specialist today and told me that my macula spots are soooooo small, they are no concern for another 10 years or so- I suddenly broke in laughter after I left, at the corner light- yeah sure, who cares. I have discussed this with others in another site and they all have the same issues, bc or or other cancer. You always have the dx, the treatment, etc etc as a ball and chain. It's fear that just as you think this has been managed ( not conquered!) it comes back and laughs at you again. And it was FDR I believe about fear itself. He's right. I'm glad Tricia as a psychologyst commented on this, very comforting Yes, I think that I am so grateful for another day of health, but I get nostalgic for the naiveness of planning and thinking about the future. I have lost my oomph. If you have young adult children, they cannot understand, and at the same time you try to encourgare them to look ahead on their own lives. I do try to make today the best but I really sigh when I cannot think of too far ahead. And I try to change but just doesn't work. It's not negative thinking, it's just the way it is, it is the normal. thank you all for sharing MCS ( maria)