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Ragini · 03-18-2007, 10:25 PM

Hi,
I started the EAP program in California long beach on Sept 27th and there was some improvement in the scans 12weeks later. I was travelling every 6 wks from Singapore to California although it was tiring. After the december scans the markers ggradually rose but the last 2 wekks it shot up like crazy. I had my review with scans last week and there seems to be a clear progression in the lungs and shoulder bones. The EAP program has just come into singapore and was thrilled that traveling to US would not be necessary. Here the Doc has closed my EAP file. I have just such bad luck. I try and try to be up against this wretched diseaase but it always comes back and give me a slap in the face again and again saying deal with me now girl.
I am a heavily treated patient who has been in some form of chemo since 2000 Oct and have not got a days remission. Every drug works for a couple of months and then I have to swich to something else. I have taken all the chemos available her and also recycled some of them. I am at my wits end and feel like giving up but feel that it will be a terible thing to do to my daughters. Why am I doomed for this sort of suffering, my body is aching and crying out for some rest from this disease. I am praying so hard and trying so hard why are'nt my prayers being heard. I have been wishing for something new to come up and when it does that too is shortlived. I am loosing Zest for life, although OK with company there is a deep inward sadness. It is not that I am tahnkless to God, I would like to have a better quality of life. There is a fair amount of pain everyday, I have lost part of my voice and people cannot here in public places like markets etc, I get tired easily and feel very useless. The future also looks bleak cause the doc has to go on taxotere and herceptin.
I have taken taxol 5yrs ago and remember the body aches etc. He is proposing a weekly regimen 2weeks on and a week off. What do you say to people who say take it one day at a time. My today is bad and the coming months are going to be very bad so how can I be at peace with myself and get rid of the feeling of being useless and passing one day to another.
I know I am very low at the moment, just looking for some words from people who know how and what it is. Thanks in advance for any reply. Hugs
Ragini

03-18-2007, 10:25 PM	#1
Ragini Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 16	Tykerb xeloda stopped working Hi, I started the EAP program in California long beach on Sept 27th and there was some improvement in the scans 12weeks later. I was travelling every 6 wks from Singapore to California although it was tiring. After the december scans the markers ggradually rose but the last 2 wekks it shot up like crazy. I had my review with scans last week and there seems to be a clear progression in the lungs and shoulder bones. The EAP program has just come into singapore and was thrilled that traveling to US would not be necessary. Here the Doc has closed my EAP file. I have just such bad luck. I try and try to be up against this wretched diseaase but it always comes back and give me a slap in the face again and again saying deal with me now girl. I am a heavily treated patient who has been in some form of chemo since 2000 Oct and have not got a days remission. Every drug works for a couple of months and then I have to swich to something else. I have taken all the chemos available her and also recycled some of them. I am at my wits end and feel like giving up but feel that it will be a terible thing to do to my daughters. Why am I doomed for this sort of suffering, my body is aching and crying out for some rest from this disease. I am praying so hard and trying so hard why are'nt my prayers being heard. I have been wishing for something new to come up and when it does that too is shortlived. I am loosing Zest for life, although OK with company there is a deep inward sadness. It is not that I am tahnkless to God, I would like to have a better quality of life. There is a fair amount of pain everyday, I have lost part of my voice and people cannot here in public places like markets etc, I get tired easily and feel very useless. The future also looks bleak cause the doc has to go on taxotere and herceptin. I have taken taxol 5yrs ago and remember the body aches etc. He is proposing a weekly regimen 2weeks on and a week off. What do you say to people who say take it one day at a time. My today is bad and the coming months are going to be very bad so how can I be at peace with myself and get rid of the feeling of being useless and passing one day to another. I know I am very low at the moment, just looking for some words from people who know how and what it is. Thanks in advance for any reply. Hugs Ragini