HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post

SoCalGal · 03-08-2015, 10:23 AM

Rhondalea, you're right -the pain IS messing me up, more than the cancer in the sense that the cancer is a silent killer right now.

I got the second epidural yesterday, he actually said that there are bony spurs that could be helped with surgery if it comes to that. Although he was very optimistic that the epidural will calm the nerve and I'll have a good result. He is an anesthesiologist, did the procedure a different way than the doc last week, and went into another area as well c5-6 and c6,7. At least I have a plan to be followed so I am feeling less like disposable garbage. This guy is a gem, so finding a good doctor (rather than the head of cedars pain management clinic, who is perhaps a good dr but that office is impossible, they are bitchy and it takes two days to get a callback) also helped with my high anxiety.

Im going to see a shrink to support me for awhile - even though I hate to spend the money on that, for now I don't thnk I have a choice.

I felt so much better just from posting yesterday.

Reading all your words does give me such valuable support, plus ideas to consider.

As much as I hate to add in more drugs to my daily swallow, I am going to revisit options with my doc if only for the short term.

Meanwhile as a friend suggested, aleve can be good for a few days since I am on Avastin hold for two more weeks. (Although for some, naproxen can be a depressant). I've not been in this dark of a depression, my sadness is usually more grief related, comes and goes, something I live with. And my method of coping usually is very action oriented. I am simply exhausted and overwhelmed, isolated and frightened. These feelings are so dark, the stay in bed, I-am-so-tired-kind. Big departure from my usual "girl with a plan A,B and often plan C". A girl who created and facilitates art expression programs to help others on their cancer journey. Maybe it's my time to float in darkness for awhile, maybe I am just sick of this journey or maybe this will allow me to better understand others in this place. Who knows?

Thank you all for your kindness and support, including those who reached out via PM. I AM FILLED WITH GRATITUDE FROM YOUR SUPPORT. (And thank you to the Druthers for creating and continuing this board).

"Sticks and stones can break your bones but words cannot harm you" is NOT true. WORDS ARE SO POWERFUL. Thank you all for yours.

03-08-2015, 10:23 AM	#16
SoCalGal Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: LA LA Land Posts: 1,607	Re: cancer is killing my spirit Rhondalea, you're right -the pain IS messing me up, more than the cancer in the sense that the cancer is a silent killer right now. I got the second epidural yesterday, he actually said that there are bony spurs that could be helped with surgery if it comes to that. Although he was very optimistic that the epidural will calm the nerve and I'll have a good result. He is an anesthesiologist, did the procedure a different way than the doc last week, and went into another area as well c5-6 and c6,7. At least I have a plan to be followed so I am feeling less like disposable garbage. This guy is a gem, so finding a good doctor (rather than the head of cedars pain management clinic, who is perhaps a good dr but that office is impossible, they are bitchy and it takes two days to get a callback) also helped with my high anxiety. Im going to see a shrink to support me for awhile - even though I hate to spend the money on that, for now I don't thnk I have a choice. I felt so much better just from posting yesterday. Reading all your words does give me such valuable support, plus ideas to consider. As much as I hate to add in more drugs to my daily swallow, I am going to revisit options with my doc if only for the short term. Meanwhile as a friend suggested, aleve can be good for a few days since I am on Avastin hold for two more weeks. (Although for some, naproxen can be a depressant). I've not been in this dark of a depression, my sadness is usually more grief related, comes and goes, something I live with. And my method of coping usually is very action oriented. I am simply exhausted and overwhelmed, isolated and frightened. These feelings are so dark, the stay in bed, I-am-so-tired-kind. Big departure from my usual "girl with a plan A,B and often plan C". A girl who created and facilitates art expression programs to help others on their cancer journey. Maybe it's my time to float in darkness for awhile, maybe I am just sick of this journey or maybe this will allow me to better understand others in this place. Who knows? Thank you all for your kindness and support, including those who reached out via PM. I AM FILLED WITH GRATITUDE FROM YOUR SUPPORT. (And thank you to the Druthers for creating and continuing this board). "Sticks and stones can break your bones but words cannot harm you" is NOT true. WORDS ARE SO POWERFUL. Thank you all for yours.