[Colleens_Husband]

"Hey Splork! Get yourself up to the Great Hall, the king is going to issue a proclamation!"

"What now? Is Tuesday going to be the Kingdom's official meatloaf day?" I mumble to myself.

"What's that?" asks the page.

"Nothing. Why do I have to be there, the kings speeches are so dry they have been known to dry the moat?"

"Because you are the King's Chief Wizard you fool, remember?" said the page.

"Of course I remember. It's not like anyone is going to let me forget." I sputtered back at the page.

No, no one is going to let me forget. The old Chief Wizard, Paragot asked me to brew up a potion of invincibility. I mixed most of it correctly, two parts gin, one part very dry vermouth, a green olive and an eye of a jaundiced bat. Well we were out of bats eyes so I just added another cocktail olive. How was I to know that old goat Paragot was going to demonstrate the potion to the King by jumping off the castle wall? Oh well, one can't dwell in the past.

The Great Hall was festooned with the colorful banners of all the great knights of the realm. I was difficult to make my way to my place behind the king because of the unusually large throng of nobles, their attainders, and curious onlookers. I also noticed there was an unusually large number of women in the hall.

"Hear! Hear! Silence in the Hall! The King is about to Speak!", bellowed the crier.

The gathered throng in the Great Hall fell silent as the King rose to address the audience.

"Lords, ladies and common people. I have grave news. A great tragedy has fallen upon our realm. The evil sorcerer, Morsock has kidnapped my son, Prince Qwerty, and has taken him to his castle in the Black Mountains which lie past the dangerous wilderness to the East.

I need not remind you that Prince Qwerty is the sole heir to my throne. He has led a tragic life. Remember he witnessed the death of his oldest brother, Prince Fetlock, when he stumbled on a bag of marbles and fell over the edge of the castle walls. If that were not hard enough on the tender youth, he also witnessed the death of his sister, Eustacia, when she was swept over the castle wall in a tragic kiting accident. And more recently, he witnessed the horror of his brother, Prince Webberly, falling from the top of the castle wall in a freak swine stampede. How did all those pigs manage to find their way to the top of that wall?

Prince Qwerty, after all of those tragedies was just a pillar of strength. He even invited me to climb the castle wall to confront my sorrow but before we had a chance, he was kidnapped.

So I am asking for volunteers to foray into the wild lands, the land of Dragons and Trolls and every other type of creature, to endure unendurable hardships, to brave the most frightening ................ "

"I volunteer, my Lord!" Interrupted a knight in a green tunic with a red embroidered snake.

"I would gladly give my life for this noble cause!" shouted a large one-eyed red bearded knight as several other knights nodded agreement.

"Well thank you for your kind offers my noble knights, but you cannot go on this quest." said the King to the colorful throng of knights who had pushed to the front.

"That evil sorcerer, Morsock, has created a diabolical enchantment to render my knights useless. Yes, in Morsock's realm, men are the ones who give birth."

A gasp ran through the crowd of knights. "Count me out on this one!" said the one-eyed knight.

"Your on your own Kingy Boy!" said the knight in the green tunic.

I leaned over to the crier, "So how do they give birth?"

The crier whispered his answer to me.

"Yoweeeeeee!" I said just a little too loud. "Glad I'm not going!"

"But Splork, you are going! Remember those vows of celibacy you took to become a wizard?"

"Vows of celibacy? Aren't you confusing me for the cleric? I didn't take any vow of celibacy...."

"Nonsense Splork! You will be just fine. We are going to need a powerful wizard like yourself to counteract the tremendous power of Morsock" bellowed the King.

"Don't you remember Paragot? Look at me, I am invincible as he spiraled down the castle wall and went splat at the bottom?" I reminded the King.

"Come now Splork, your just being modest!"

"No, I'm not. really!"

"Now we have many brave and strong women in this kingdom who will help rescue Prince Qwerty and Splork, you are to help them in their endeavors." said the King.

"Can I be in charge?"

"Not a chance in hell, Splork. Remember Paragot spiraling to his death shouting 'look at me, I'm invincible'".

"Is there ever going to be an opportunity to let me forget?"

"Never".

"Very well sire, I am your humble servant."