[Andrea Barnett Budin]

An older and dear friend passed a few yrs ago. I was always struck by his incredible will to live (past major heart surgeries, through prostate cancer, etc.).

But it was his fervent wish to LIVE, not exist. Be in a wheelchair. Not be "himself". And I thoroughly agree with that perspective. I've lived through my mother's alzheimers (all 12 yrs of it, 3 at home with round the clock aides I arranged, and 9 in a nursing home). She became paralyzed. Unable to speak or understand most of what you said. Read or book or watch a television show. She could not feed or bathe herself, nor go to the bathroom herself.

When my dear friend was on vacation with his family, in Miami, he had another major heart attack. In the hospital, the docs thought that if he could hold on till tomorrow, they could possibly do risky surgery to help him live. There was no guarantee he would be the same man he was though.

His sons and my beloved friend (his wife) held his hand as he lay unable to speak, but clearly fighting, as was his nature. His will to live was fierce. His family discussed it all with him and he blinked, understanding.

He passed a few hours later...

It is my conviction that he was drawn to the Light and told what would be, that he wouldn't be the man he was, and he chose to let go. We were all stunned and deeply saddened.

But when I thought about how certain he was that he wanted to live and not to exist, I reasoned as I am explaining to you.

When I think of Denise, knowing her fervent wish to live, but to retain her mind and her wit and her fabulous communication skills -- the things that made her "her" -- I believe that something similar happened with her. She was shown what the future would hold for her, alive but not herself, and she chose to decline though she passionately wanted to remain with her darling family, Ted, Jack and Ben.

I would have to say I would make the same choice.

So my friend Irwin, and our dear Denise, made their choices I believe and I accept their decision whole-heartedly, difficult though it is...

Now vivacious, comedically gifted Denise is her truest Self, consciousness in a new vessel on another plane of being. I still love you, Denise. I know you know that...

All our hearts will continue to be with Denise, through this week and for eons of weeks to come, through the holidays as someone wisely noted, explaining the reason for our reserved sadness yet grateful to enjoy the blessings we have. We will be with her and her large family through Thanksgiving and most especially at her Memorial Service. May God bless her and her remarkable family, now and throughout time...

Dust to dust, as Denise wanted. We're all stardust after all. The Soul is energy. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. Denise lives on, in another way, in another dimension...

That's what I think... Sending Love and Blessings and Light...with all my heart...

Andi