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Dear Lisa,
You have touched on an interesting point, and one that struck me the other day at the moment I woke up from a long and restless night. Less than a minute after I opened my eyes, my mind began to race. It occurred to me that my Mom and I had spent the whole summer doing nothing but racing back and forth between doctors, radiation treatments, MRIs, bone scans, and Herceptin infusions. Our lives had become totally consumed by this disease. Logging onto the computer late at night always turned from shopping for a good book on Amazon.com, to three hours of browsing the latest clinical trials and pure research abstracts from one of my hundreds of favorite university websites. Even a brief getaway trip south to Virginia, turned into a side trip to visit a cousin on his death bed with lung cancer.
Turning on the television is no escape either, as I'm sure you know. It seems that everyone in the world is beiong diagnosed with some form of cancer these days. I sometimes feel surrounded by death and illness.
Part of me wants to get on a cruise ship and leave for two weeks to the middle of nowhere. Of course, that isn't safe either, as passengers seem to be disappearing at ports of call, or find themselves being assaulted and thrown over the rail.
When it all seems to be too much for me, I make myself a glass of cold chocolate milk, sit back in the recliner, and watch the cat hide under the couch, waiting to smack the dog in the behind with a sharp paw on the way by. Try to take little moments like that as a five minute respite from your battle. Some of the simplest things can be so distracting at times.
As my Mom and I sat on the back deck of my cousin's house on the Eastern Shore of Virginia watching the last throes of a tremendous summer thunderstorm, the clouds and lightning moved out over the water, then disappeared. Much to my surprise, and delight, the sky cleared, and the most spectacular rainbow formed right in front of us. Both ends of the rainbow were visible where they seemed to touch the earth, and it was fat and bright, as if someone had been turned loose with a can of spray paint. It is hard to think of anything negative or stressfull at moments like that. My Mom sat and stared at it for almost twenty minutes, in awe of it's pure beauty.
They always say that one should choose their battles. Well, that applies to choosing when to worry as well. Try and take a moment now and then and do something absolutely mindless. Hang up a hummingbird feeder and watch these tiny creatures hanging in midair, in a blur of swirling wings, trying to get enough to eat to keep them alive for another day. You will not only be distracted for a bit, but be reminded of how amazing this world that God created really is. There is plenty of time to do your research reading and scour your body for signs of trouble. Don't spend every minute of the rest of your life here worrying yourself sick. And don't forget that stress weakens the immune system. Live a little and let your Creator do the worrying for a while. He won't disappoint you. He's in control, and will steer your ship through the shoals that threaten your journey. The bumper sticker from years ago says it all..."Smile-God Loves You".
Take Care,
Tom
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