Hi Freaked Out,
I am one of the fortunate ones - eight years out now and doing amazingly well. As mjm stated, when done with treatment many are doing well and simply move on with life and don't post much. I'm guilty of not posting regularly, but visit this site often. Having said that, I would like to offer you some hope.
I was at the Revlon Walk/Run in Los Angeles a few weeks ago. This event began in 1994 to fund the research for Herceptin. Dr. Dennis Slamon (the researcher) appears at this event every year and gives a short speech. This year he said that HER2 breast cancer used to have the
worst outcome, but with the advent of Herceptin and other targeted therapies, it is now considered to have the
best outcome! Breast cancer patients are now disappointed when they are not HER2 positive.
If you want to learn more about Herceptin there is a great book that gives the history of the drug and the story behind Dr. Slamon and his research:
Her-2: The Making of Herceptin, a Revolutionary Treatment for Breast Cancer by Robert Bazell. It is a really great story and well worth the read. I also found this YouTube video of Dr. Slamon giving a talk in layman language.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJgngLQgllM
As far as hair loss goes, I lost all of mine but it all came back and looks as good as it did before. Again, one of the lucky ones, but it is certainly not uncommon to grow back a full head of hair. A great book with a humorous spin regarding hair loss (and everything cancer):
It's Not About the Hair: And Other Certainties of Life & Cancer by Debra Jarvis. Trust me, it's not easy being a bald woman, but for most women it is a temporary condition and can be hidden with wigs, caps, scarves, etc. The lack of eyelashes was harder to hide, but I still wore make-up and eyeliner seemed to make it less noticeable.
It is obvious that your wife has a huge support system with you as her biggest supporter. Like others have said, you can't fix this or change what has happened. What you can do is love her, support her, and just listen when all she wants to do is verbalize what is going on inside.
My best wishes to Stacy as she goes through treatment. With you by her side she will do great!