[marymary]

Dear Kat:

I know exactly what you're talking about from first-hand experience. I always loved my long, thick hair and always played around with the color; to become bald in a matter of weeks was dispiriting, to say the least. And to think that that was the least of my problems! I immediately invested in the Jennifer, a long auburn wig that made me look about 25, at least I thought so. The problem was, when my hair started growing back I felt sort of like a fraud or a strumpet or something still donning the Jennifer. Also, in summertime the Jennifer tended to be hot, and I mean that in the literal sense, not figuratively speaking. To add insult to injury, when my hair first came in I very closely resembled a French Poodle. Round face surrounded with tight curly little frizzy fried sausages. It wasn't a good look. Finally I took the upper hand and got a good haircut. Things improved hairwise from then on. Sometimes the new growth just needs to be severly pruned. I don't know, maybe your hair is stick straight! Sometimes adding a fun color can lift your spirits. You could always try a temporary color to start with, although temporary dyes aren't good at covering gray.

You know what, I did get lucky and scored a trip to Munich & Paris and that was a great distraction! So maybe you do need to go to the City of Love. Travel is always so life affirming if there's any way you can manage it. I actually ended up travelling to Turkey for 2 and a half months with a dear friend I made at a b/c support group. I am so very happy to have had that experience of a lifetime. We travelled all over the country including eastern Turkey, which is about a four hours walk from Iraq. I figured I was more likely to die from cancer than any perils of travel.

I guess my advice is to just become the woman you have always wanted to be. Cancer is not, in my opinion, a blessing, however, it may embolden you to do things that in the past you would never have even conceived of. Now that's sexy, don't you think?

Also, when I got back from Paris I had reconstructive surgery, a latissimus dorsus, to be exact. Plus I got an implant on the other side.

Well, I didn't mean for this to be a novel. I could go on and on, but I want to go curl up with a novel.

You're right, though, our sexuality takes a huge hit with this disease. This may be the time to pull out all the stops and go for it. Why just this week I put on my makeup, my new pair of white linen pants topped with a pink t-shirt with red lettering and robbins egg blue stillettos and sort of floated into the infusion center. Of course most of the time I schlep around in jeans and tee shirts because life in the suburbs isn't all that glamorous. Sometimes a girl just has to feel special.

Good luck, or should I say bon chance!

Mary