[linn65]

Today,

I see the doctor and will be asking questions about why stage 1v now without being in organs and bones. Also, stable vs NED.....

The SE I have had have been my ankles aching like when I was a teen getting cramps is the only way I can explain it. Runny, water, and sore throat which could be just allergies idk. I did accupuncture yesterday, and I didn't wake up in the middle of the night with my ankles aching.....

I did quit my job which in my mind I wonder or feel embarrassed to say I am going to be on social security if others ask what do i do for a living. I just knew with no time at work left because using it up on my last surgery in March and doctors appointments. Now, to do treatments every three weeks, if things do not turn out the way I hope then I didn't want to live my life at work with all the stress of working and needing time off for each appointment. I have never not worked, being single and the buck stops at me it's a bit scary. In my heart I knew I want to work hard, without worry, enjoy my life and if my life is cut short, and I came to the conclusion work isn't my life, and I want to live and not worry as I have the past two years about missing work for all the appointments and focus on living my best life. I will receive cobra for 18 months and fleeting thoughts about getting insurance for continued treatments scares me, but I tell myself don't worry and enjoy today it will all work out.....

I will sign up for social security 10/1/14 which I don't know how that all works. I was told I could maybe get my ex-husbands social security, and I was told I can't if he isn't deceased....so clueless about that too. However, I have been soooo blessed by my co-workers and manager working for me to get accelerated life insurance so all my bills are paid off, and I haven't pulled my retirement out yet. Another thing I have to figure out is pulling retirement and where to put it to help myself with paying the least on taxes.

It's strange to know on one side diagnosed and the doctor put in writing the cancer is terminal but a life insurance check to pay all my bills and money to live on in the other.....if anyone knows advice to give about the social security thing let me know. I am doing well with my OCD mind, but I have moments of fear and the what ifs....however, I feel at peace with my decision the majority of the time.

Btw I had a great 49 birthday party and danced so much my body was killin the next day but well worth it.