[Laurel]

Ok, here's the official list of things we can no longer do since BC:

1.Drink Alcohol....bad (probably gave you cancer in the first place).

2. Enjoy Sex....too estrogen deprived to get "charged up."

3. Feel attractive....foobs, foam foobs, weight gain, stiffness, fatigue.

4. Savor Sugar.....(probably gave you BC, but if IT didn't it will feed whatever CTCs remain behind)

5. Chow Down on Red meat, processed meats...(probably gave you cancer, but if they didn't they will definitely cause it to return).

6. Slurp Soda....(sheesh, you know that stuff is loaded with SUGAR, not to mention you can peel paint with the crap!)

7. Wear deodorant....oh, come on, you KNOW it clogs your sweat glands and the aluminum chlorhydrate gave you cancer! Just stink already, will ya? After all considering #2 what does it matter?

8. Splash on perfume, make-up, shampoo, lotion....contain the estrogen mimicking parabens.....yep, you guessed it, vanity (thy name is woman to quote the immortal bard) gave you cancer.

9. Being female, puberty.....estrogen, estrogen, estrogen. Ladies, become men!

10. Wake up to a hot cup of joe....aw, hell, you might as well just stay in bed. Wonder if the sheets can give me cancer....?

11. Drink water.....from the tap: full of contaminates, from the bottle: phalates. To recap, no alcohol, soda, coffee, water, nothing reconstituted with water, leaves what? Milk? Oh no, full of bovine growth hormone! Suggestions anyone????????

12. Have peace of mind........