[Kellennea]

Such wonderful replies. Thank you. Ive been "away" for a while because things became gradually worse.

On 12/21 my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I spent the holidays without him, we went about our family visits alone. His family as well as mine was devistated with the news. On 2/14 he filed papers and only one week later on 2/22 our divorce was final.

I spent 2 months reminding him of everything that we have been through together, of the promises that we made to one another, of how he told me, when I lost our child and then was Dx'd with BC that he would rather have me to grow old with then to have a child that he would have to explain everything to and raise alone... but none of it mattered and his mind wasnt changed.

My heart is heavy and instead of "things getting better with time" I am finding that it hurts more and more every day. I am devistated by this. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. My protecter and biggest supporter is gone, leaving me feeling sorry and apologizing for getting sick and ruining everything for us. I am so embarassed and humiliated that I havent even told anyone, except for close friends and family and my HR department because I also lose my medical and have to apply with my employer.

I may not have lost my life to cancer, but I have lost my "life" to cancer.