[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Dearest Emelie, I am so glad I came upon your post. Your grace and the obvious beauty of your Spirit is -- breathtaking! You are a shero to be sure! You are truly awesome.

I wrote my Eulogy many yrs ago. It wasn't looking good for me. I wanted those left behind to know that I didn't want them to grieve. I wanted them to LIVE, with joy and gratitude. To marvel at the blueness of the sky and be kind to family, friends and strangers. I was okay with their celebrating my life if they chose, but I didn't want them to dwell on the sadness of my parting. Because -- I love them. Yet, I am still here!

I was (as it turns out) a gestinal diabetic. Maybe you were too. I gave birth to 9 lb 10 oz kids. Oh Lord. The only saving grace was, I was told, that the size of their heads and shoulders were normal. Grateful for the details. So I see we are bonded on multiple levels...

I am so deeply sorry, Emelie, that you are where you are. I can't quite grasp the details as I read your story below your name. The stopping and re-starting of Herceptin confuses me as I stuck with it for 10 yrs. What state or country are you in?

Gardening and nurturing are such generous acts. I am glad you are following these activities along with nice lunches and dinners and the love of family and friends. Sharing lovely meals takes us back to our roots, to the roots of our ancestors, in my view. Breaking bread as it were. A grand way to acknowledge our Oneness with All That Is and to offer our thanks for our bounty...

Perhaps you could defy the odds, as my beloved friend Sue did. She went in to hospice, and she returned home eventually. She kept asking, Why am I still here?! I don't understand. And I just rejoiced at having the extra time to talk with her and be a part of her life and have her embedded even more deeply in mine!

Miraculous things can occur. With all the loving energy you are generating, I can only imagine that the Universe is speeding like energy to you. I see you surrounded by a radiant white Light.

Back in the day, midst treatment and pain and too many pills to remember I too kept a strict log, somewhat as you describe. When I took a pill I made a check mark, and noted when I next was due (listed to the right). Lists and post-its are the ticket as I see it. Like the charts in hospitals, there are simply too many details to commit to memory. I was my own nurse. It seems I nursed myself back to health. Maybe you can. Stranger things have occurred. Spontaneous remissions do happen. You sound like an excellent candidate to me... I'm just saying. Rambling. As I am wont to do.

When I made my check mark I would also (as a back-up plan cause that's how neurotic and OCD I am) turn the pill bottle upside down. So if I reached for it for some inexplicable reason, I'd see and note, What is wrong with this picture? That was my "system"...

I hope you are laughing a lot. I taped a lot of silly shows I had never watched before that just made me smile and giggle. I went on PBS and found old Jackie Mason bits and was hysterical. So soothing... So I taped those epidsodes to return to, to laugh out loud once again.

Redecorating is a passionate activity! The creative juices flow and you literally create an environment others will enjoy! You channel divine energy in that way I believe! Seriously! (Just did my ugly hideous old old kitchen, so it's fresh in my head.) Now I delight as I stand -- never cook -- in my kitchen, and hang out there, as it is the very heart of the house, don't you think?

Thank you so very much, Emelie, for checking in with us. You are a fabulous role model for all of us to read about. My arms are around you. And I am holding you close and tight. I can't let go. I love your Spirit. You are all of us, and we are you. I am so touched my you.

And, so proud of you, dear Sister!

Much love,

Andi