[AliciaB]

Thank you for you input. In the beginning of my journey, Mom Dad, husband and one sister kept asking me if I was going in to work. This was right after surgery and drains were removed. I really don't know what their agenda was. If I had to guess, it was to prevent me from slipping into depression.

My husband will not go to counseling. Yes, we have done it in the past, but he is not interested right now. On the other hand, I attend counseling 1-2 times a week, which has been very helpful. I believe that my husband is concerned about depression and maybe about a predictable schedule. He was wonderful this past weekend (the one right after chemo)- cleaning house, taking care of our son, making meals, doing lawn work- all the while I was sleeping/resting.

I like the concept of cancer as a lover- it is very true, yet i don't find it an attractive lover. Cancerland can be so all consuming that it is difficult to step outside. I don't think I give enough credit to the impact that cancer has on my life. I tend to dismiss it in days that I am not sitting listlessly on the couch staring into space.

I think I will take each day as it comes. Work when I want/can and take off when i need /want to. I really want to heal physically and emotionally from this. I think the only way that i can is to truly discern what I want and need each day.