Sounds waaay more exciting and fun than it really is...but I got your attention! 
Yes, you certainly did, you little stinker, you!
So...since several of you have so sweetly PMed...patiently waiting for an update...which by the way I am so touched by...I thought I'd better just jump in and post.
I'm okay. Not great, but not terrible either. Cancer is definitely not winning...but Decadron and brain swelling are making things pretty crappy. I have scans tomorrow (Monday), and I see the neurosurgeon on Tuesday. But honestly...I already know what's up...my brain is swelling because the irradiated lesion is BIG, and my poor body just doesn't know what to do with all that dead tissue. You know, Denise, here in Pa we just let the vultures take care of our road kill. Saves $ and feeds the birds at the same time.....how brilliant. What we need is something akin to a vulture that goes in and cleans up the goo. Decadron reduces the associated swelling the goo causes....hmmm. Some M.D. needs to see this most excellent analogy and get back into the lab!
So...the fluid builds up
I start to lose control of my balance...
my right hand starts to shake
I end up in bed...laying around for hours/days...feeling nauseous, tired, and head-achey...
I take more Decadron for a few days...
The swelling in my brain goes down
but the swelling in my face and neck increases (you can't imagine what I look like right now, and vanity will not allow me to post a photo...but trust me when I tell you that
I don't even recognize my face in the mirror)
I'm embarrassed to admit it...but there are days I just want to stay home, so I don't have to risk meeting anyone I know, looking the way I do.
And...of course, the longer I'm on these steroids, the more out of breath, fat, and weak-legged I get.
I may be revealing my bias here, but my bet is you are still quite beautiful...altered perhaps, a new face in the mirror which is disconcerting, but beautiful, smiling, weary perhaps, haggard on the off days, but...alive, breathing, functional, cognizant, HERE. And just lovely.
Brain mets are not for the faint of heart. I'm not expecting any great revelations from the scans...and I know already that surgery to remove all the dead tissue is ABSOLUTELY NOT an option. The whole gooey mess is just too close to my brain stem...and the surgeon has been clear from day one that cutting there would almost certainly kill me. I've asked everyone on my med team if there are other options for reducing the swelling...and so far...nothing.
So, friends, here I am...8 months after the GammaKnife procedure...battling the swelling...and nursing a codependent love/hate relationship with Decadron. It keeps me from seizures or stroking out...but it also makes me look and feel like a freak! (Grotesquely bloated is the phrase that comes to mind!)
You are in good company among many newly annoited "freaks". Just think of the newly burned, disfigured, limbless souls in Boston. They are still beautiful and breathing. You are so wonderful on the inside that I know you glow on the outside. These many changes that present themselves challenge our sense of who we are, I understand a bit with my gray hair and double chin, but the inside? Now that is only getting more interesting, growing, surrendering, stalwartly forging forward, trying to be grateful, and gracious....
Now...for the positive spin we all know floats in my heart and my crowded brain!
I'm not dead. (yay me!)
I'm not planning to die soon. (and we all know how stubborn I can be!)
Decadron...though the side effects suck...works.
I don't have any cognitive issues at all.
Clearly not!
My family is awesome, and I get to spend every single day with them.
My body is NED...and I think my brain is too.
Me, too!
On bad days, retail therapy works very well on the internet.
Are you a QVC gal, too?
I have my beautiful friends here...to whine to, lean on...and draw strength from!
And your many friends here!
And...I know that God has a plan for me. I just hope it's one I'm going to be happy with...
Funny how He never consults us on His plans for us. I think this odyssey and adventure of yours has great purpose. You have blessed me enormously, more than you can imagine, and I am just one. When you arrive at the pearly gates decades from now that crown on your head is going to weigh a ton. Better start neck exercises now is my sage advise. Back in the 80s I used to exercise to a Jane Fonda tape. There was an exercise where you inclined your head forward, back and side to side. In my twenties I thought it a ridiculous waste of time, but now let's just say I get it! And to think the things I used to say to poor Jane as I did those butt lifts! I repent of the awful things I said.....! She did help my butt. Now it sags into my shoes.....
So...surprise, surprise...a looooong post from Denise. Sorry. But it's been a while and there was a lot to share.
Please keep the prayers, healing energy, good juju, and love heading my way. It helps more than I ever would have imagined.
You got it, kid!
Sending love to all of you!
Right back at ya!