HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post

marymary · 06-21-2006, 02:22 PM

Some days are just like that. I made friends with a wonderful woman at UCSF named Katie, I was just getting to know her and sometimes I would call her on the telephone and we would burn up the wires for awhile. I know she's been really sick and I phoned today and her husband answered. I said "May I speak to Katie?" he asked me my name and I gave it to him and then he said "Are you a good friend of Katie's?" Well I really didn't like the sound of that question and I couldn't help it, I said "Uh oh". He said "yes, Katie died over a week ago".

So I immediately started to cry and I just couldn't help myself. It is so difficult to have a conversation with a stranger when you just can't seem to stop crying. He was very calm and collected but he said he's had more time to accept this. He said the nurse's tried to keep her as comfortable as possible. Of course nothing he said really was working for me. I didn't like the "comfortable as possible" answer at all. It scared me. I tried to mind my manners over the crying though and I think I did OK. I just kept trying to say how sorry I was for his loss. So he invited me to an informal memorial and I just don't know if I am going to be up to it.

I am still trying to get into the Washington vaccine trial and it is so difficult and I just kept telling myself that I was not just doing it for me, I was doing it for Katie but now I've lost that piece of motivation.

So I lit a candle and had a little conversation with Katie and I hope she could hear me. Usually I never cry but today I just can't seem to stop.

Then I called the Ida Friend Infusion center to schedule my regular Tuesday infusion and due to the upcoming holiday they can't even squeeze me in on Tuesday! I just replied stupidly "but I always come on Tuesday's!" I guess that wasn't a very compelling argument.

Trying to be enrolled in the vaccine trial is a big stressor, my brain MRI is about to "expire", and the Principal Investigator has decided that a PET/CT scan is called for before I can be accepted. So I am struggling to get Brown & Toland to approve that ASAP, get it scheduled, get it performed, get the results, see what they are like, and get them to Washington ASAP, oh and then travel to Seattle by next Thursday or Friday at the latest. Piece of cake, right?

OK, I am definitly going to my knitting support group this afternoon.

Mary

06-21-2006, 02:22 PM	#1
marymary Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 46	Bad Day Some days are just like that. I made friends with a wonderful woman at UCSF named Katie, I was just getting to know her and sometimes I would call her on the telephone and we would burn up the wires for awhile. I know she's been really sick and I phoned today and her husband answered. I said "May I speak to Katie?" he asked me my name and I gave it to him and then he said "Are you a good friend of Katie's?" Well I really didn't like the sound of that question and I couldn't help it, I said "Uh oh". He said "yes, Katie died over a week ago". So I immediately started to cry and I just couldn't help myself. It is so difficult to have a conversation with a stranger when you just can't seem to stop crying. He was very calm and collected but he said he's had more time to accept this. He said the nurse's tried to keep her as comfortable as possible. Of course nothing he said really was working for me. I didn't like the "comfortable as possible" answer at all. It scared me. I tried to mind my manners over the crying though and I think I did OK. I just kept trying to say how sorry I was for his loss. So he invited me to an informal memorial and I just don't know if I am going to be up to it. I am still trying to get into the Washington vaccine trial and it is so difficult and I just kept telling myself that I was not just doing it for me, I was doing it for Katie but now I've lost that piece of motivation. So I lit a candle and had a little conversation with Katie and I hope she could hear me. Usually I never cry but today I just can't seem to stop. Then I called the Ida Friend Infusion center to schedule my regular Tuesday infusion and due to the upcoming holiday they can't even squeeze me in on Tuesday! I just replied stupidly "but I always come on Tuesday's!" I guess that wasn't a very compelling argument. Trying to be enrolled in the vaccine trial is a big stressor, my brain MRI is about to "expire", and the Principal Investigator has decided that a PET/CT scan is called for before I can be accepted. So I am struggling to get Brown & Toland to approve that ASAP, get it scheduled, get it performed, get the results, see what they are like, and get them to Washington ASAP, oh and then travel to Seattle by next Thursday or Friday at the latest. Piece of cake, right? OK, I am definitly going to my knitting support group this afternoon. Mary