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Tom · 05-22-2006, 08:32 PM

Dear Sherry,

Thank you for the kind words about Al and I. But one thing I have learned in my 50 years on planet earth is this: The more deeply you love, the more devastating the loss, whether it be through death or just a simple relationship parting. I think Al will agree that it is a heavy price to pay, but worth every minute of the time spent enjoying the indescribable feeling of giving yourself completely to someone. It is, of course, somewhat different between a child and parent, than between spouses, but still intense in it's own way. Occasionally, my Mother still responds verbally when I tell her I love her, but I have known that she loves me since before I was able to speak.

I think that Al is suffering in a particularly painful way, as he has lost his lover and best friend. I never married, and often wish that I had, but it is times like these that I wonder what it would be like to endure such a loss. I think that perhaps the fear of losing someone so close and so important, is what produces some of the "cold and distant" aspects of a family's reaction to the woman's diagnosis of cancer. I guess everybody deals with it in their own way. But if they would just remind themselves daily, that it is the woman who is sick, scared, and has the most to lose if the battle is not won, they might be able to temper their response to the illness more easily.

I know how I felt in 2001 when I had a cancer scare myself. You feel as if you have 10,000 things that absolutely must get done, but have only been given until the end of the week to finish. I was never as frightened of anything in my life. It ain't pretty.

So again, I ask the families of those who are fighting this to reassess their positions, their fears, and their priorities. Be there completely for your loved one while you have the chance. Life is short, and sometimes the journey is rough. But it beats the alternative of being alone.

Sincerely,
Tom

05-22-2006, 08:32 PM	#29
Tom Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 290	Thank you Dear Sherry, Thank you for the kind words about Al and I. But one thing I have learned in my 50 years on planet earth is this: The more deeply you love, the more devastating the loss, whether it be through death or just a simple relationship parting. I think Al will agree that it is a heavy price to pay, but worth every minute of the time spent enjoying the indescribable feeling of giving yourself completely to someone. It is, of course, somewhat different between a child and parent, than between spouses, but still intense in it's own way. Occasionally, my Mother still responds verbally when I tell her I love her, but I have known that she loves me since before I was able to speak. I think that Al is suffering in a particularly painful way, as he has lost his lover and best friend. I never married, and often wish that I had, but it is times like these that I wonder what it would be like to endure such a loss. I think that perhaps the fear of losing someone so close and so important, is what produces some of the "cold and distant" aspects of a family's reaction to the woman's diagnosis of cancer. I guess everybody deals with it in their own way. But if they would just remind themselves daily, that it is the woman who is sick, scared, and has the most to lose if the battle is not won, they might be able to temper their response to the illness more easily. I know how I felt in 2001 when I had a cancer scare myself. You feel as if you have 10,000 things that absolutely must get done, but have only been given until the end of the week to finish. I was never as frightened of anything in my life. It ain't pretty. So again, I ask the families of those who are fighting this to reassess their positions, their fears, and their priorities. Be there completely for your loved one while you have the chance. Life is short, and sometimes the journey is rough. But it beats the alternative of being alone. Sincerely, Tom